What Was In My Mind (WWIMM???!!!)

I've Moved

2007-06-09T11:00:00.000+08:00

Yup... Never thought the day will come. I've finally succumbed to the need to have more control & flexibility to add more features on my blog. Hence, I've moved my entire blog to Wordpress.Com. Thanx to Jennifer's "ploy". Hehehe...

New Toy - Now I Love RAW

2007-06-06T23:31:00.000+08:00

Thanks to a dear friend, I finally have the easiest RAW conversion software which gives me far more flexibility to "play" with my RAW files. Previously, I had to use 2 different programs before I can get the result I want on one photo. Now, I can do it all in ONE program! Yeah!

See the differences?

Thank you, Adam!

A Real Tear Jerker

2007-05-31T14:55:00.000+08:00

I've only seen 2 episodes of The Ghost Whisperer recently on TV. During BOTH episodes, I CRIED. Yeah... not the noral SNIFF SNIFF SNORT SNORT kinda tears. I had it hard. It's like a true heartbroken tears.

First episode I saw was about a dead soldier (who was filed under MIA case) looking for his pregnant wife. And later, with the help of Melinda, he realised he's been dead long time already and his pregnant wife gave birth to a son. His son is now married with his wife currently pregnant. It was a beautiful yet sad moment when both father & son "met" for the 1st time in many years. His son finally found his father's body & had a proper burial done for him.

The second episode I saw was about a little boy who died in an accident with a train. Poor little thing... (and that boy can really act!) Anyway... I was halfway eating my lunch infront of the TV and I had to stop eating. The boy finally get to be with his parents for a final time. Goodbyes were said and there & then I started crying again.

I guess ever since the day I nearly lost my daddy, I've been pretty weak at heart when it comes to family stories in TV or movies.

I thank GOD every time I look at daddy and mummy. For giving us another chance to be together as a family. For giving daddy his life back. For giving mum the strength to face this new trial with daddy. For every laughter & tears shared amongst us. I said a little prayer to thank GOD at night before I sleep. I am very thankful... very thankful.

Anyway... must watch this new drama-series on ASTRO, Channel 70 (StarWorld), every Monday at 1.30AM. (in Malaysia) Don't worry if u missed it cos there will be a few repeats of the same episode throughout the week:

Monday, 3.30am & 4.40am

Thursday, 12noon

Sunday, 4pm & 9pm

Enjoy!

P/S: Jennifer Love Hewitt is still as hot as ever!

My Dream

2007-05-28T14:02:00.000+08:00

I hear splashes of water and then I see myself in the water. Ahh... I'm in a stream! Or rather a small river filled with smooth round rocks & fresh flowing water. I looked up and there's a small tunnel in front of me. The scene reminded me of the lower-level entrance of Tempurung Cave in Ipoh.

Then I heard a female voice...

Girl:
You think I can do it?

Somehow, I begin to understand where I am at that very moment. I'm an instructor or a guide of some sort of adventurous water activity. I see myself crouching in the water, facing against the flow of the current. A long climbing rope is in between my knee and goes all the way upstream into & through the tunnel. Looks familiar. Reminds me of my abseiling adventure.

I see the girl. She wears a full gear. As if going rock climbing. Fully equipped with protective head gear, gloves & wearing what seems to me like a cycling uniform.

Me:
Yes, of course you can. It's an easy one. Just grip the
rope as I've taught you & pull yourself forward. Take your time. Don't worry
if you slip. Just swim to the side. Someone will grab you immediately. You are a
strong swimmer!
Girl:
Yes! I know how to swim very well.
Me:
I'm behind you. Take your time. Do not rush. Enjoy the
water!

I see myself grabbing the rope & started pulling towards the tunnel. Suddenly the water got deeper. I see the girl started to struggle.

Me:
Slowly, girl! Don't rush!

Then it happened... I see her losing her grip on the rope. She started swimming. At first, she was swimming very well. Suddenly, she went down under. Somehow I know she's hit her head onto the rocky bottom. I shouted for my back-up team for help.

2 men appeared upstream. One jumped into the water near the girl & tried to reach for her. I couldn't see her amidst the water sprays into my face. I pulled harder & kicked against the bottom whenever I can feel it. I felt something bit my hand but I continued onwards.

The girl emerged from the water, in the strong grasp of the guy. His other partner is still on the bank of the river from my left. He is holding another rope, getting ready to assist the pair. The first guy managed to bring the girl onto the right bank. I shouted to them. The girl is unconscious.

Me:
Wake her up! Wake her up!

I am nearing them & tried to find a proper footing to climb out of the water. While continuing to give instruction to revive the girl.

Me:
Give her CPR!

I managed to climb onto the left bank. I jumped to the right bank almost instantly. There is a movement! The girl awakens! Yes! She's alive!

Then I woke up...

Nope... I don't know who the girl was nor the guys. I just feel happy that she's safe. Even if it's just a dream.

X-Ray Magazine Blog

2007-05-25T11:47:00.000+08:00

Stumbled upon this really cool blog by X-Ray Online Magazine via Flickr. It's very informative for fellow marine environment enthusiasts, especially divers & marine onservationists. Check it out daily & I'm pretty sure u'll learn at least one thing new each day!

Getting To Know Daddy & Mummy

2007-05-24T14:20:00.000+08:00

Mum, dad & I were having lunch today.

Me:
This "char-siew" (a kind of pork dish) is kinda tough. U think daddy can chew them? (Daddy stopped using his false teeth since he had his stroke)

Mum:
Slowly, lor... He can, lah. See how much he's enjoying it. It's been so long since he eats food bought from outside.

Me:
Hmmm... When did u lose ur teeth? (Mum is also using false teeth)

Mum:
I got cheated by my dentist when I was only in Grade 1. Whenever I complaint toothache, his immediate solution was to pull it out. He just wanted to make money out of my uncle who brought me to him. Wat's worse, he's supposed to be a so called good friend of my uncle. So, since then I have very little teeth till my teenage years. Then, I went to make my 1st false teeth.

Me:
Gosh! So young!!! How can he pull off so many teeth from u while u're still so young & have just got ur new teeth?

So, how bout daddy?

Mum:
Oh... he lost his teeth at a later age. Maybe in his 30's.

Me:
Hmmm... why so early? He never takes care of them?

Mum:
Ur dad has a phobia lar. He doesn't like to go to the dentist. He'll freak out whenever he gets near a dental clinic. There's one time he had to have one of his tooth pull out. So, doc injected his gum to numb it. Before the doctor has time to continue the procedure, ur daddy just stood up & walked off.

Me:
What! *giggle* U serious! I never would've tot daddy has any fear for anything. Hehehe...

Mum:
It's true. He'll only go to the dentist when he couldn't bear the pain anymore. *smiling & stealling a glance at daddy who's concentrating on his chewing his lunch* Everytime his toothache, he'll try to ignore it & hope the pain will eventually go away. He gets very nervous when he realised he needs the dentist.

So there... this phobia is called odontophobia.

Found 2 cool sites on phobias. Check them out:
Phobias-Help.Com
The Phobia List

GoToQuiz.Com

2007-05-22T18:08:00.000+08:00

Yup... I'm so stressed-up at home after going to piles & piles of company's documents for the year end closing of account. So... decided to browse the net & came about this cool site. For amusement sake, I took some quizes and here are the results:

Personality Quiz:

Your score on this personality test was 67%

Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

Personality Quiz
Take More Quizzes

Hmmm...

Are You A Genius?

Are you a genius? Your Result: Smartie You are very smart and love to read. You tend to be on the quiet side. Any book is a good book and you tend to be at the top of the class. A+ is you average grade...
Wrestler
Are you a genius? See All Our Quizzes

Well... I used to be...

How Creative Are You?

You are 75% Creative!!!!!

You are just perfect in the creativity department. Any more creative, and you would be unbearable to be with. I can't believe how much you ROCK!!!!!!

How Creative Are You?
Make Your Own Quiz

Wow!

What Mental Disorder Do You Have?

What mental disorder do you have? Your Result: GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) You can never seem to calm down and always feel anxious for unknown reasons. You tend to not be able to concentrate and have headaches or other anxiety symptoms.
Paranoia
Manic Depressive
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
What mental disorder do you have?

Yikes! Is this good or bad???

What Type of Person do You Attract?

What type of person do you attract? Your Result: You attract Yuppies! You attract the very well-dressed, job oriented type of people. They usually have their finances together, are 'middle of the road' on most topics, generally happy with the 'main-stream' of things. If it is stability you are after, these are good people to attract, if you seek adventure, it may be time for an overhaul.
You attract models!
You attract geeks!
You attract artsy people!
You attract unstable people!
You attract rednecks!
What type of person do you attract? Quizzes for MySpace

Oh??? Hey friends out there... are you a yuppy? Hehehe...

Putting Into Good Use

2007-05-22T00:35:00.000+08:00

One of my photo was used for an environmental article recently.

Honorable Mention

2007-05-21T23:56:00.000+08:00

Hehehe... thanx to Sandy & gang of 9 for the nice comment! Glad u guys had a really wonderful trip in Layang-Layang. You guys are just plain lucky! Nothing to do with my eyesight. Hahaha...

So Far So Good

2007-05-21T15:05:00.000+08:00

Just a short update... We went to the hospital again last week for a follow-up on dad's condition. Did another brain scan & the result was good. No further development from the cyst in dad's brain. Dad has been eating & sleeping well. However, his recent blood test showed a high level of creatinine which means his kidney is in trouble. Most probably due to the prolonged antibiotic prescription for his brain infection.

Doc advised to get daddy to drink a lot more fluid so the kidney function may return to normal. It hasn't been easy as daddy can be very stubborn, refusing to drink the fluids we've been giving him. So far, we're still winning the battle with different ways of persuasions & occassional threats. Doc even recommended a can of beer a day for daddy! Reason being beer can help flush the kidneys... Recently, we gave him green tea as one of the beverages for him to drink. Seems like it's helping, cos there is less foam from dad's pee.

Our helper went back to her hometown a week ago & has yet return. Sigh... She's supposed to arrive back today but no signs yet. Hope we're not losing a helper. Else, I'm going to have to stay longer in Kuching!

Will write again later.

Lots of Laughter

2007-05-16T19:34:00.000+08:00

Finally home on Mother's Day. Managed to get a cake for mum as she likes to eat cakes. The moment I opened the front door, daddy was the 1st person I saw. He was sitting on his "hospital" bed, deeply engrossed in a movie on ASTRO. So much so that he didn't hear me calling him several times. Mum was in the bedroom & came out smilling. I gave her a kiss & handed her the cake. Then, I walked to daddy & he turned to look at me. Immediately he smiled & reached out his good hand to me.

I sat on his bed with him & held him. He started laughing when mum & I started a small conversation with him. He looked so much healthier than the last time I saw him. He's even gained some weight. It was really a wonderful day to come home.

Past few days, daddy's been in good mood. There were laughters at several occassions. Especially when we cracked some small jokes with him. He's been pretty naughty too. Twice he sent us running with him to the toilet cos he refused to pee before we brought him down into the wheelchair for dinner. Luckily at both times we got him to the toilet in time before he pee on himself. Mum will start bickering & "scolding" daddy for being stubborn & all daddy did was laughed at both of us. I do wonder what was going on in his mind that's so funny. If only he can talk again...

Well... We're going to bring dad for a follow-up at the hospital this Friday. Hopefully things are going for the better now. Once he's stabilized, we'll need to discuss & decide on the date to put back his skull onto his head. Then, another period of healing & settling down.

Looking At The Brighter Side

2007-05-06T22:15:00.000+08:00

Just had a couple of beer & wine... so am feeling pretty much lightheaded & good... So, decided to use a fren's "new" Macintosh laptop to update bout my life.

Yes... I'm now back in Layang-Layang Island. Had a mixture of Japanese, Europeans, etc for the 1st few days in my group. Then, came a group of "Hongkies" & dived with me for 5/6 days straight. They were a lucky bunch... cos they saw 4 days straight of school of hammerheads & 3 days of school of devilrays. In addition to that, the usual school of jackfishes, barracudas, batfishes, etc. Yup... i had had a great time despite the initial stress of being a divemaster in Layang-Layang.

Talked to mummy last nite... Good news... the tube in daddy's left brain was taken out finally recently. Doc did a scan to see wat's happening with the cyst & it seemed to have gradually minimised & disappeared. So far so good... no complications... When I heard this... U can't imagine how relieved I was. It was like... FINALLY! Thank you SO MUCH, LORD! Daddy's going to have 8 more days of antibiotics drip, then another scan to reconfirm that his condition is finally improved.

I'm going home on Mother's Day. Thank God cos initially there was no flight for me to get out of the island. Now, I can spend Mother's Day with mum after so many years...

Alrite... tomolo's a new day with new group of divers. Good nite for now...

Ungrateful Son!

2007-04-27T13:06:00.000+08:00

I'm so disheartened, but I will not let this bring me or my family down! I pray God will open his heart & realised his faults & do amends one day soon.

I'm at first ashamed when I read my bro's blog recently. But after thinking about it, I've decided to bring out d truth.

Read what my bro wrote about myself & family...

Value of Life

2007-04-25T21:02:00.000+08:00

Daddy celebrated his 54th birthday 2 days ago. Mum & I planned to have some relatives over for dinner. My Sar Yee (third aunty) offered to buy a birthday cake for daddy. Mum decided to cook some simple dishes for the celebration. So, all set... however...

Daddy wanted to eat early that day... 6pm to be exact. We tried to delay his meal, but he refused to wait. Hence, mum prepared his food & let him eat first. Nobody came yet. It was raining heavily, so, our relatives were delayed.

The moment daddy finished his meal, they all arrived. Alas... daddy wanted to go to bed immediately. We told him to blow the candles & cut the cake first, but he refused & started shouting again. Therefore, we had to wheeled him into the bedroom & got him to bed. I didn't want to give up... so I litted the candles anyway & brought the cake into the room. We sang his birthday song while he's in bed & blew the candles for him. Then we left him in peace.

Everyone had a good time that nite. Sadly dad wasn't able to join us. While talking & catching up with old times, mummy told us that she wants to live till 100 yrs old. I was impressed with her will to live.

She's suffered a lot in her younger days. Being brought up in a poor family. Had had an illness in her late 20's which doctor only gave her 6 months to live. But she fought for her life & for her children and succeeded. She went through difficulties bringing her children up, especially during the times when daddy had to travel a lot for his work. The list will be just too long if I list down all her sufferings.

Hence... she wants to live another 50 yrs & be these remaining years be better, easier ones for her. How will that be true now that she has to care for my daddy? Is this the kind of value of life that mummy wants for the next 50 years?

No matter what... I hope I can help make mummy's remaining life a better, happier one for her. Please dear Lord, let her live to be 100 yrs old. Amen.

Aphasia

2007-04-22T15:56:00.000+08:00

Daddy's having this problem that we're currently trying to resolve with speech therapy, etc.

... "A person may speak only in single words (e.g., names of objects)
or in short, fragmented phrases. Smaller words of speech (e.g., the , of , and
), may be omitted, making the message sound like a telegram. Words may be put in
the wrong order. Incorrect grammar may be used. Sounds and/or words may be
switched..." (read more)
... "Persons with aphasia may tire easily and show extreme emotional fluctuations and inappropriate emotions—laughing when something isn't funny or crying for no apparent reason, particularly early in the recovery process. They may also seem very self-absorbed and show an intense need for an unchanging routine..." (read more)

Useless Effort

2007-04-21T19:52:00.000+08:00

After many days being "trapped" at home, I decided to bring daddy out for an evening ride with mum & Nurin (our helper @ home).

I HAD to... I can't stand seeing mum stuck at home whole day. Even Nurin was showing some restlessness. (She's been going out to tend the flowers a lot lately. Poor thing...) The only time we leave the house was to bring daddy to hospital for his daily antibiotic drip in the morning.

At 5.30pm today, daddy started groaning & shouting senseless words. Finally we realised he was saying that he was hungry. Yup... he's been eating dinner at 6pm daily. As I was watching him eating, an idea came to me.

Me:

Mum... let's bring daddy out right after he's done with his food.

Mum:

U sure daddy'll want that? (with a doubtful face but I can see a flicker of excitement in her eyes)

Me:

Don't care, lar. He can't run away anyway. We just wheel him to the car.

Mum:

Up to you, lor. But he's not wearing diapers. What if he pees in the car? (after few mins of pondering...) Oh... we can cover the seat with layers of blanket & plastic sheet!

Me:

Ok... I'll go prepare the car. (I was so determined! I turned to Nurin & said...) Kita bawa papa keluar selepas habis makan. Pergi sedia, ya... (Nurin smiled & nodded her head)

As I was walking out the front door, daddy just finished his dinner. As mum & Nurin prepared him for the trip, I heard daddy shouting his protest. I ignored him & went to prepare the seat for dad.

I drove the car up the driveway to pick dad up. Lucky he didn't protest much when we transferred him into the car. But he still groan & frown a lot.

Me:

Yes! We did it, mum! (Everyone was happy... except daddy unfortunately)

Mum:

Let's go to the new park in our neighborhood. The landscaping is very nice.

So off we go... As we approached the park entrance, daddy started shouting again. Sigh... he kept going with his protest while I was searching for a parking space. The park was pretty crowded with families & tourists. Weather was really beautiful... sky was blue & as the sun was setting, it turned yellowish then orangey...

Unfortunately, mum lost her mood. So, we decided to drive around town instead. Daddy sulked throughout the whole trip. When we tried to talk to him & cheer him up, he'll close his eyes & pretend sleeping or started shouting again. So, we eventually got tired of his behaviour & let him be...

We came home feeling disappointed & gloomy. Mum especially... I think she's just frustrated with the whole situation. Angry that daddy didn't appreciate our effort. We just wanted him to see the world outside & hopefully he'll see more reasons to be happy rather than "rotting" at home.

I'm going to try bring daddy to church tomorrow. I hope daddy will like that... We'll see...

My First BIG Sell!

2007-04-20T19:50:00.000+08:00

Yeah! My best earning so far from a photo taken in Redang last year. Sad part is... I've sold the rights to the photo, so can't use it nor re-sell it anymore. Ah well... It's worth it!

Typical Day in Kuching

2007-04-19T17:55:00.000+08:00

Morning:
Prepare daddy for trip to hospital.
Whole morning with daddy in hospital.

Afternoon:
Send daddy home.
Out to run errands for family. (lawyer office, banks, govt. offices, etc.)

Late Afternoon:
Daddy started shouting for hours.
Tried various ways to communicate with him but we can't seem to understand him much. The more we console him, the more he'll shout. The more we try to understand him, the more frustrated he gets.
So, daddy continues shouting & groaning & sighing.

Evening:
Accompany daddy during dinner.
Prepare him for bed.
Staying alert in case daddy wakes up & called for us.

By end of the day... I'm too emotionally tired. How am I going to write my thesis when I can't think straight by end of the day? God Help Me!!!

He's Different, Yet The Same

2007-04-14T01:15:00.000+08:00

Another poem I wrote long time ago...

Smile...
He speaks thru...
His eyes, "What's up?"
His touches, "Look at you, baby."

I miss him...
Huge hands enrobing mine,
Gentle caress, Oh! Blood simmering...
Goose Bumps, Beautiful goose bumps...

His Skin,
Soft and smooth,
Yet firm... sexy,

When he sleeps,
He's out of this world,
Oh! He's snoring - I'm not alone...

He woke up,
My precious baby,
Doesn't even know what the world,
has prepared for him.

I feel wanted, I feel HIGH!
Yet Hollow... Empty? No... Just HOLLOW,

Good bye my dearest baby,
Don't push me away,
Just drift away...

Then I wouldn't have known,
The meaning of emptiness,
That made me currently so...
Alive yet BREATHLESS...

© ASTHER LAU

I Miss Daddy

2007-04-05T18:26:00.000+08:00

It's been nearly 2 weeks since I last seen daddy. He was still in the hospital then. I left with a heavy heart but then, I was feeling relieved at the same time. Guess I just needed some space to breathe.

During my return trip from Dayang last week, I fell sick & felt all miserable. The weather didn't help neither as it was pouring & got all of us wet through while on the boat ride back to the pier. Feeling weak & lousy, I tried to take a nap during the journey. I had a dream of daddy & mummy so when I woke up, I started feeling all emotional. Rain has stopped & sun was shining. I went looking for darling for comfort. Poor darling's T-Shirt was soaked wet (again) on the shoulder as I started crying my heart out, hugging him. I just couldn't stop myself that time. Tears kept pouring out till I got tired & I realised I couldn't breathe much, especially with blocked nose.

I was overjoyed when finally there was phone signal as we're approaching the pier. Immediately I got mummy on the line. Both daddy & mummy finally went home the day before, however, dad's complication with the cyst in the brain is still not fully resolved. Therefore, they've to return to the hospital daily so the doctor can extract abscess from the cyst.

Other than that, dad's been up & active. No more drowsy, no more visible pain anywhere. He's been eating a lot & doing well in physio. However, mum's been reporting last few days that daddy's been having mood swing when it comes to physio work. Some days, he'll be willing to enter the physio room & cooperate. Some days, he'll be groaning & shouting & refusing anyone to touch him. Sigh...

Daddy can now say more words & sometimes complete a short sentence on his own. However, he can't converse well as the words or sentences that came out mostly don't make sense to a conversation. He also has the tendency to repeat a word or phrase, sometimes for several hours. Sigh...

My heart is aching for daddy. Everytime I think of him, knowing that he's never the same anymore... I felt so helpless & my heart became very heavy. I know eventually all of us in the family will learn to accept this fate... but for now... it'll be a long journey for us all.

I WISH YOU'RE BACK TO YOUR OLD SELF AGAIN. I LOVE YOU, DADDY.

Slowest Customer Service Hotline - Public Bank Berhad

2007-04-03T16:04:00.000+08:00

Been on the phone for 18 mins, waiting for a customer representative to talk to me.... And I'm still waiting... Kept listening to:

"Sorry, our representatives are engaged at the moment. We will attend to you, shortly..."

BAAAAD service...
SLOOOOOW service...

Pissing me off! Useless customer service hotline! Maybe I should withdraw all my investments & savings from this bank!

Other similar hopeless hotlines I've had similar fate with:

AirAsia
ASTRO

Manado 2007 - Lembeh & Bunaken Islands

2007-03-26T15:33:00.000+08:00

Photos from Bunaken...

Clownfish Pair

John with his dear DSLR set-up

Whip Coral Colony

Reef full of anthias

Krazie Ange l

Photos from Lembeh...

Juvenile Flying Gurnard

Bobtail Squid

Painted Frogfish

Hairy Frogfish

Seahorse

Unidentified fish hiding in an abandoned tubeworm shell

Coconut Octopus

Wonderpus

Flamboyant Cuttlefish Feeding

Juvenile Lacey Scorpionfish

Stargazer

Coral Prawn - related to the Western King Prawn

Black Hairy Frogfish

Painted Frogfish

Clown Frogfish

Solar Nudi

Ambon Scorpionfish

Flying Gurnard

Juvenile Starry Toadfish

Related to Plumed Shrimp

Painted Frogfish

Asian Bloggers

2007-03-26T00:53:00.000+08:00

A network for Asian bloggers who blog in English and their native languages.

Come join us!

Eve of 30...

2007-03-26T00:13:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to me...

Happy Birthday to meeee...

Happy Birthday to me!

Hehehe... for the first time I actually "celebrate" my own birthday online. Well... It's my last year in my twenties! I'm thankful to be alive & well. Amen!

Tagged by Miki-C

2007-03-25T17:50:00.001+08:00

Okay... here goes...

Part 1: On the Outside
Name : Read my blog address!
Date of Birth : 26th March 19xx (Yup! Tomorrow... Presents for me???)
Current Status : Fat (Yup! My recent blood test says it all... cholesterol level high!!!)
Eye Colour : Dark brown, almost black
Hair Colour : Black lar... with lots of grey hair appearing day by day
Righty or Lefty : Righty (trying to practise using my left)
Zodiac Sign : Aries

Part 2: On the Inside
Your Heritage : Chinese
Your Fear : Loneliness
Your Weakness: Chocolates, Ice-Cream AND travelling new places (cos I spend lots to travel!)
Your Perfect Pizza : Thin crunchy-crust with thick fillings

Part 3: Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up : What's the time now?
Your bedtime : Between 12 to 1 am
Your most missed memory : Holidays with my family

Part 4: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke : Coke
McDees or Burger King : McDees (I dig for the fried chicken & porridge)
Single or Group Dates : Both (But usually group dates cos more fun)
Adidas or Nike : Nike
Lipton Tea or Nestea : Nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla : Chocolate anytime!
Cappucino or Coffee : Neither (Milo pls)

Part 5: Do You...
Smoke : No
Curse : I try not to BUT can't avoid it sometimes... ;P

Part 6: In the Past Month
Drank alcohol : Yes
Gone to the mall : Yes
Been on stage : No
Eaten sushi : No
Dyed your hair : No (planning to next month)

Part 7: Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game : No... never have a nice body... so shy lar...
Changed who you were to fit in : Who doesn't? Changes are inevitable in our lives.

Part 8 : Marrriage
Age you're hoping to be married : 29 (hint hint darling... ;P)

Part 9: In A Guy/Girl
Best Eye colour : Definitely not red or yellow!
Hair colour : Own Natural color
Short or long hair : Short & thick

Part 10: What Were You Doing?
1 minute ago : What else???
1 hour ago : How to get rid of that idiotic virus in dad's laptop
4 1/2 hours ago : Was watching TV, so wasn't thinking much...
1 month ago : In & out of hospital
1 year ago : In Layang-Layang Island, soul searching...

Part 11: Finish The Sentence
I love : my family (including darling & family)
I feel : tired & stressed (trying to wind down...)
I hate : hypocrites & gold-diggers!!!
I hide : my bulging belly the best I can... *BLUSH*
I miss : daddy & mummy
I need : to lose weight & lower my cholesterol level, complete my MBA & start a business plan

Part 12: Tag 5 People (drat... not sure who reads my blog on a frequent basis, but here goes...)
1) Jenn - The Im'Perfect Mum
2) Peter Cheong - Lex Petros
3) Rick Gan - The Amazonman Cometh
4) Grace Tan - Window to the Soul
5) Adrian - On a tank & a prayer

Going Home

2007-03-24T10:24:00.000+08:00

I'm going home to my darling today! Yeah....

Dad's been progressing well. A speech therapist from Australia saw him yesterday & reported dad may get his speech back. However, it'll require lots of work & time.

Our current concern is whether daddy's cognitive thinking will return back fully one day.

I better go pack... I'm coming home, darling! (I can imagine darling's sulking now... hehehe...)

Little Things Out There

2007-03-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

Something light... two little creatures I met during my trip to Manado, Indonesia.

Good Progress

2007-03-18T20:45:00.000+08:00

It's been nearly a week daddy's in the hospital. Various types of antibiotics were given for daddy to fight the infection in his brain. He's progressing very well each day. Alas... he can stand better now, especially during transfers between bed & wheel chair. Physio therapy sessions got better too. Thank God!

Doc will scan dad's head again tomolo. Eventually, he'll need to operate daddy to clean the infected area. That's all for now... I think I'll sleep better tonight.

Facts About Cholesterol

2007-03-17T13:37:00.000+08:00

Most people aren’t even aware they have arteriosclerosis until they have a heart
attack or stroke. It is possible to have up to 80% closure of the arteries
without ever feeling a single symptom!

After the age of 50 women often have higher total cholesterol levels than men of
the same age

Alcohol plays an odd role in cholesterol levels. It increases HDL (good
cholesterol) but at the same time it does not lower LDL (bad cholesterol). But
this happens up to a certain point...

Studies indicate that the fat in chocolate is stearic acid and has no effect on
cholesterol levels. The chocolate does not increase LDL and could raise HDL a
wee bit. (But chocolate is still high in fat and calories so don’t go overboard)

Smoking promotes the development of arteriosclerosis. Tobacco smoke is actually
more damaging to the heart than the lungs. Smokers have a higher chance of
having a heart attack (3 times greater than non-smokers) and a greater risk of
dying of the attack (21 times greater than non-smokers)

A study of women who were given a choice of a high
monounsaturated fats (olive oil) along with avocado diet or a complex
carbohydrate consisting of starches and sugars reported interesting results. In
six weeks, the former group on the olive oil and avocado diet showed an 8.2%t
reduction in cholesterol.

A recent study found that men with high cholesterol are twice as likely to be
impotent as men whose cholesterol levels are normal or low.
Researchers recorded cholesterol levels of 3,250 healthy men between the ages of 25 and 83.
Men with total cholesterol higher than 240 milligrams/dl were twice as likely to
have trouble achieving or maintaining an erection than men who cholesterol
levels were below 180 milligrams/dl.

Men who had low levels of HDL were also twice as likely to
suffer from impotence. The same high-fat diet that narrows arteries and blocks
blood flow to your heart also narrows the arteries that carry blood to the
penis. Blood has to be able to get to the penis in order for a man to have an
erection.

Taken from Dr Michael Lee . Thanx Raymond for sharing this info with me!

Bad News, Good News

2007-03-16T00:18:00.001+08:00

Test results are out... The fluid that was extracted from dad's left brain (from the cyst discovered earlier on) has confirmed that it's an abscess. Thus, infection is presence in dad's head. That's the bad news...

Now the good news...

Dad's body has been fighting well to protect him from a more severe condition. His body has reacted towards the infection by building a "wall" around the dead cells area, thus, forming a cyst containing abscess. Without this wall, dad may have gotten really ill with meningtis & this could be life-threatening. However, God has been showing His mercy once again to daddy & us all.

Doc has to put dad in hospital for another 10 to 20 days until the capsule has matured & grown smaller to nothing. He's hoping that dad's immune system will b able to do all the work effectively. Worst case scenario, dad will have to go into OT again (to suck out whatever is in the capsule & clean it up). This time will b another major surgery with heavy sedation, high risk of infection spreading to other areas, etc. Doc is not willing to take that chance yet, so, once again we're playing the waiting game.

Doc said we are right in sending dad in to see him early. Now that we know what we're fighting against, once again, doc is going to prescribe a long list of effective antibiotics to help dad fight off infection. So far so good... dad's more awake today & he's trying to talk again. For once, we managed to understand 40% of what he's trying to say. Normally, it's only below 10%. He did more physio work today, however, still requires a lot of coaxing & patience from both sides.

I'm "burning-out"... but I know I have to hang-on. At least till I leave for KL again end of the month. Dear Lord... please stay with us througout this ordeal. Send your angels down to be with daddy to fight off the nasty infection. Take away all the ill feelings & emotions from us everytime we are faced with obstacles & difficulties. Amen.

Back to Operation Theater

2007-03-14T00:02:00.000+08:00

SIGH...

Last night, I discovered that daddy had a fever. He was throwing away all the pillows & blanket whole evening, and sighing a lot. So, I went to him & touched him. He was burning hot & immediately I took the thermometer to confirm my suspicion. Without wasting anymore time, I gave daddy paracetamol, hoping it'll bring down the fever.

This morning, we decided to bring daddy to see Mr Ching for a normal follow-up. Was a good thing we did... cos after explaining to him about dad's symptoms (sleeping all the time, agitation & deterioration in physio therapy, plus the fever nite before...) doc decided to send daddy for another CT-Scan. He suspected that a cyst (that he saw a week ago in a scan done before dad got discharged from the hospital) might have grown larger in daddy's left brain (the area which is now mostly dead). When he first discovered the cyst, doc tot it'll eventually disappear as daddy's body continues its functions of healing.

The scan result confirmed doc's fear. The cyst got bigger & there's a prominent midline shift in the brain. Doc told us it's possibly that there are fluid building up in the cyst. Doc decided to start a procedure immediately to extract the fluid so he can run some tests & at the same time release some tension on dad's brain. Doc requested one of the family member to accompany daddy in the OT as he's not going to put daddy under heavy anaesthesia. So I went with daddy to comfort dad & calm him down in case he becomes afraid or agitated.

The procedure went well... daddy experienced brief period of pain when doc injected local anaesthetic on him. Other than that, everything went smoothly.

During the extraction process, we can see that the fluid was not clear. Cloudy & milky... Doc was not happy with that visual result as he worries it might be abscess instead. But then again, he said it could possibly be just dead tissues of the brain from the stroke.

2 hours later, while in the hospital ward, unpacking all the things for daddy & mummy to stay yet few more days in the hospital... doc came to see us & informed us that the pathologist (upon visual inspection) does not think the fluid is puss. However, we'll have to wait till tomorrow to know the real situation from the lab results.

Once again, we're all put to test by the Almighty. All I can do now is continue to pray to Him to have mercy on my daddy & my family. That all will be cleared of sufferings & endless uncertainties. That my family will be back to being one happy family... daddy & mummy & brother & I.

Tantrum

2007-03-12T21:59:00.000+08:00

Daddy had been acting difficult for the past few days. He constantly pushed us away when we wanted to help transfer him between the bed & w/chair. He's been especially difficult during physio therapy time. Refusing to co-operate with the professionals. He's been sleeping a lot which frustrates me cos this means he's wasting precious to recover back his muscles strength & brain activities.

I've been praying a lot to the Lord to give me the strength & patience to deal with daddy. At times, I lost my temper & scolded dad outright. All I want is for him to work with us towards his recovery. Sigh... Going to sleep...

I Want My Life Back...

2007-03-10T23:28:00.000+08:00

I miss my own life...

I miss home in PJ.

I miss my computer.

I miss darling lots & lots.

I miss my friends back in Peninsular Malaysia.

I miss diving in Layang-Layang & my beloved diving family there.

I miss my bed & pillows.

I miss the food in KL.

Arrrggghhhh! Better go to sleep...

Unity?

2007-03-10T00:49:00.000+08:00

Big row between mum & bro. I had to jump in before anyone does something everyone will regret later on... Very emotionally drained at the moment. Never in my life I'd expect it so hard to unite my family!!! Oh God... my brother better kick all his bad habits & start changing for the better. Mum'll need to learn to cope with her stress & anger. I need to learn how to read people's mind so I can communicate with them better & efficiently! Hmmm... even better if I can learn brain-washing, eh?

Dad's been sleeping whole day. Gout affected leg is getting better although still some pain visible in dad's face when we moved the leg. Still have to carry daddy's whole weight during transfers from bed to chair, vice versa. My back's aching... my legs are sore...

I better be losing some pounds with all these going on around me!!!

Gout - What A Real Pain !!!

2007-03-09T00:36:00.000+08:00

Poor daddy's good leg had had gout attack today. Sigh... so no physio therapy till the swelling's gone down. Bummer!!!

Due to this, dad requires full assistance to stand for transfers between the chair & the bed. At this stage, I'm the ONLY one in the house capable of lifting dad efficiently during the transfers. I felt so stressed out because this means I'm going to be tied here for a longer period.

Nobody seems to be able to take over my role except those working in the hospital. Mum's too weak & small. Brother just can't be dependable to help & take charge. Dad doesn't want the maid's help. So left me alone... I'm so frustrated!

Poor daddy... pray his ankle will heal soon so he can continue his physio therapy & walk on his own again one day soon.

Home Sweet Home

2007-03-07T01:02:00.000+08:00

Daddy's HOME!!!

He's learning to walk with a walking stick. Still requires assistance but he's gaining more strength. I think I can sleep better tonite... Drank quite a bit tonite with dad's friends. But overall, I'm more relieved.

Will write again tomorrow... good nite!

Home with Family

2007-03-06T01:48:00.000+08:00

Back in Kuching again. Went to hospital immediately from airport to see my parents. Mum's really happy to see me as she greeted me with a really big smile. Daddy was sleeping when I arrived. I whispered to him to let him know I'm home. He mumbled grogily in his sleep but I think he's fine now that I'm home.

Daddy'll be returning home tomorrow from the hospital. The next stage in our lives begins...

I'm Back... for a short while

2007-03-01T10:46:00.000+08:00

Just a short note. I'm back in Petaling Jaya for 5 days. Busy 5 days... need to settle some house stuffs, banking stuffs, 2 weddings this weekend, AND spend some time with darling.

Was away to Manado, Indonesia for 8 days. That's why I haven't been blogging.

Have to apologise if I didn't call all my dear friends to meet up or to say "HI". But you're all in my mind and prayers. Will be returning back to Kuching with my family again this coming Monday. But hope to return again end March.

Quick note on daddy's condition... Doc did an operation to put a shunt into dad's brain to drain the fluid out. Since then, dad's brain is no more swelling. He's walking better but still with support. His speech improved a little but a lot of mumbling & slurring still. I wish there's a speech therapist in Kuching.

Other than that, I've not seen daddy for 9 days not. I miss him & mummy lots. Mum's planning to bring dad home this coming Saturday. I know dad will be very happy to be home.

Will write more later...

"Sa Chap Meh" - Day 34

2007-02-17T23:21:00.000+08:00

It's the eve of Chinese New Year... Spent the whole day in the hospital with my family. It's the saddest CNY I've we've ever celebrated. But I'm thankful that at least daddy's still with us this year.

Have not blogged since darling arrived in Kuching 2 days ago. Sorry bout that... just that time was so short & wana spend some time with him at night. At least I don't feel so lonely anymore...

Daddy's progressing very well... He started to walk the day darling arrived! Of course with assistance to support his right side body, but he's been improving & getting stronger each day. He's continuing to make sound, trying to talk however has yet to learn any new words. Doc's giving dad anti-depressant so he can be less depress & coorporate more with the physio work. Guess it's working so far... altho dad started to protest after half hour of exercise.

He's been sleeping a lot today. Brain's still swelling... Talked to doc again about his condition. He'll do a scan on his brain tomorrow & we'll see wat's going on in there. Doc's still thinking on putting a shunt into dad's brain to drain the fluids out. There might be chances that the shunt may help improve his condition in terms of feeling less drowsy & sleeping too much, and might improve his cognitive thinking, etc. Thus, dad may be able to learn to talk more, walk better or even start to write/type on the computer soon.

This year's CNY celebration opened my eyes towards my relatives. Now, I know who really loves my dad & who doesn't care that much. Now I know who's been acting infront of my family all this while, and who's been true to my family in the past. Makes me sad but thankful at the same time. It's sad cos some relatives only see our relationship in terms of how rich my family is and how beneficial it can be if they pretend to be close to my daddy when he was well. It's sad cos the old sour relationship between dad and some relatives continue to be so even at this stage. But I'm thankful that at least my eyes are opened now... that I'm prepared for any future undertakings when it concerns my other relatives.

Okay... signing off... going outside to see the fireworks. I miss being with my family as one tonite...

1st Valentine - Day 31

2007-02-15T01:59:00.000+08:00

My first Valentine with my parents. Bought mum & dad a red rose each. Dad took the rose & looked at it for 1 minute before passing it back to me. Hehehe... not sure wat dat meant but I guess he's just being daddy. Mum was surprised cos she has lost track of time & didn't realised it's Valentine's Day today.

All 4 of us went for a stroll outside the hospital in the afternoon. It was a wonderful feeling... to be a family again... despite the current circumstances.

Dad's been trying to speak more today. He's only managed to say "Aiyooo..." since yesterday. He's been groaning & sighing a lot. Maybe depressed & frustrated cos he couldn't communicate with us well. Dad's used to do all the talking in the family. He loved to tell me stories of wat he's done in the past, sharing with me all his inner thoughts whenever we're together. I can understand why he's feeling so depressed now cos he's lost that ability at the current moment. But I pray it's not permanently. If he can say one word today... I'm pretty sure he'll be able to say more in the future.

Dad's a very sociable person & makes lots of friends every where he goes. Almost every one of his friends had told me dad's PR is one of the best they've ever seen in their entire life. This brought me down memory lane... dad used to be a very sad person. He used to drink a lot & whenever he got drunk, he'll moan about being ever so lonely. Till this date, I've yet to find out why was he so lonely when he's got mum & us two, his children. I guess it's cos we seldom communicate when we were young. He's always travelling & doing things outside, and by the time he got home, we'll be asleep cos of school d next day. I wish things were different then...

We're facing a tough time getting dad to do some physio work. This afternoon, he showed extreme frustration & retaliation when we wheeled him to the physio room. In the end, we aborted the attempt & took him for a stroll instead.

Sigh... my heart is sadden by his current state. Part of me is angry at him for not wanting to try his best to get better but I kept telling myself it's not totally under dad's control. It's just part of the result from the brain damage. After the stroll, I had to get away for a while so dad won't see my frustration & disappointment in my face. At times, I'd wanted to tell dad off straight in the face but I know I shouldn't... I can't... cos once again, dad can't control his own feelings right now.

I told mum how much I admire & respect her for being able to handle daddy so well. She said we need to understand people in this kind of condition. Daddy's changed & we need to accept it. Plus, she's been with daddy since she's 15 yrs old, so she's seen every part of daddy as he changed with time.

It came across my mind then... what if it's me & darling? Will I be able to withstand the situation well for darling? Will I be able to stay calm all the time even during the tough times? Honestly... I don't know... I feel ashamed at times for being angry at daddy at his current state. But I've to be true to myself & analyse my surroundings with a clear mind... to accept our situations so I won't lose my mind... or lose control of my whole self. I need to be well mentally & physically for family.

Dear Lord, let tomorrow be a better day for my family. Amen.

A Month - Day 30

2007-02-14T00:17:00.000+08:00

Gosh... I just realised I've been home for longest time since I left for my studies abroad years ago.

Dad's head swelled again today. Sigh... His fever went up & down. We noticed that his fever went especially high after 4pm daily since yesterday. Talked to dad's cardiologist who came to see dad & he said it's normal for human to get fever, especially after 4pm. So, I did a search on Google & good ol' Wikipedia explained it perfectly wat the doctor meant.

"... However, there are many variations in normal body temperature, and this needs to be considered when measuring fever. Body temperature normally fluctuates over the day, with the lowest levels at 4 A.M. and the highest at 6 P.M.. Therefore, an oral temperature of 37.5°C would strictly be a fever in the morning, but not in the afternoon..."

Well... it explains the causes of fever too & one of them was caused by reaction towards antibiotics. But also related to dying cells in the body... Sigh... To comfort myself, I'd like to believe it's just the tonnes of antibiotics dad's been taking that's creating havoc to dad's body temperature. I dare not imagine anything worse...

Dad refused physio therapy again this morning. I wasn't at the hospital yet. Mum said dad was pretty determined not to make it easy for the nurses & physio therapists in the morning. In the end, everyone decided to leave him be... dad wasn't eating much neither.

However, after I arrived there, I started feeding dad with some noodles again and this time he ate lots. Phew... He must like the noodle a lot!

After lunch, I had a long talk with dad on how important it is now for him to continue exercising. He needs to move all his muscles so the good ones won't weaken & the weak ones can gain more strength. I repeatedly ensure him that he'll be able to gain most of his movements again if he doesn't give up now. I kept on finding reasons for him to not give up on the physio therapy. He didn't give me much reaction as a reply to me but I prayed he can listen to me.

Then, I told him to take a short nap before we go for another try on the physio. After nap, for the 1st time, I managed to help dad into his wheelchair with minimal help from others. It felt really good... one reason being that dad's trying to move by himself & second being that I can help dad all by myself!

Upon arriving in the physio room, dad wasn't cooperative again. It took us nearly 1 hr to persuade him to try standing again. He made an effort to talk! Although it sounded more like a protest to all our pleas. I actually believe he was trying to say "Aiya!" to us... telling us how frustrated he's with us pushing him.

I went down on my knees & talked to dad seriously again. Explaining to him that he CAN walk again according to the doctors but he needs to help himself & let us help him through the therapy. Thank God, dad finally gave in & tried standing for us. The first 2 attempts were very brief. Not even 3 seconds each try. But the 3rd try, he managed to stand for about 8 seconds. Then, he refused to do it anymore. However, I begged him & promised him to do the last one before I bring him outside for a stroll. He finally gave in when I showed him a really disappointed face. He stood up again with our help and managed to stand for 12 seconds! We applauded him after that & we hope this'll give him more encouragement.

We're gona try better tomorrow. I pray God will continue giving us the motivation & strength to help my dad back on his feet again. I pray that God will send his angels to be beside daddy to soothe him & support him emotionally & give him strength to push all the muscles in his body to work again.

I really miss daddy...

Wind of Change - Day 29

2007-02-13T00:11:00.000+08:00

Dad was looking so much better in the morning. He was awake & calmer & was eating a lot more. Had his 1st real solid food of noodles for lunch & dat really made my day!

However, dad's been refusing to cooperate in physio therapy today, in both morning & afternoon sessions. Sigh...

We took dad outside again in the afternoon. Doc encouraged us to get dad into the sun & get its natural healing power. However, after the short walk in his wheel chair, we took him back to the room to rest. He started shivering although the room temperature wasn't cold at all. Then, mins later, his fever started again. Low level fever...

After I left the hospital, mum messaged me at about 7pm reporting dad's fever went as high as 39+ d.Celcius. We started to worry again. Dad's refusing food & drinks once again.

So fast his condition changed from one state to another. Really like a roller coaster. The difference is it wasn't fun at all... no... it's more terrifying & tiring to both physical & mental states. But we need to win this battle somehow. We need to have our daddy back to normal again.

Butterflies

2007-02-11T23:45:00.000+08:00

On a lighter note, here are some pics taken in January during my rendezvous with dear Alison to the Butterfly Park in the heart of Kuala Lumpur. Don't have my PC with me, so can't edit the pics nicer.

We had a wonderful, peaceful time in the little park. Lovely place to appreciate the nature while enjoying the beautiful flowers & butterflies & other insects living in the park. We're planning to return to that place again. Hopefully one day soon...

I miss my photography sessions. Maybe I'll try to take some hours off from the hospital one day to do some photography here in my hometown.

More Medicines - Day 28

2007-02-11T22:00:00.000+08:00

Dad was still having high fever during noon time. Then, Mr Ching came to do his daily visit.

Good News:

Dad's brain swelling has subsided. It's visible on dad's left side head as it's not as round as it was before & there's a slight concave where the skull was removed.

Bad News:

Dad's fever is still very high. Doc has run more test from the brain fluid taken yesterday & hope to have the results by tomorrow or Tuesday. Because, they need to do a culture on the samples & wait for a few days to show results.

Meantime, doc has prescribed a few more types of antibiotics for dad to fight the infection in the brain. One of the antibiotic is worth more than gold per gram! And dad's having 1 gram twice a day for as long as 2 more weeks. Sigh... We'll do anything (I mean to a reasonable & logical extend) just so dad gets better soon.

Doc explained to us that not all antibiotics will be able to get to the brain & fight the infection. Reason being due to the blood-brain barrier aka BBB. So, prescribing a drug that can actually penetrates the brain is a tricky & long process task.

"A major challenge for treatment of most brain disorders is overcoming the
difficulty of delivering therapeutic agents to specific regions of the brain. In
its neuroprotective role, the blood-brain barrier functions to hinder the
delivery of many potentially important diagnostic and therapeutic agents to the
brain. Therapeutic molecules and genes that might otherwise be effective in
diagnosis and therapy do not cross the BBB in adequate amounts."

So, there... read more from the link provided. I'm learning more & more about brain functions & problems with diseasses & illnesses each day. Mr Ching is really good in explaining stuffs to me & guided me well to search for more answers daily.

Doc also decided to give dad a medication to break the fever. I can't remember wat medication it was but the nurse had to insert it into dad's anal passage! Poor daddy... but it worked. 1 hr later, dad's fever went down.

Dad hasn't been eating well today. For 2 reasons... he's been sleeping a lot after the fever broke & he's been refusing on solid food. He's only accepting yogurt & beverages such as juices & glucoline in small amounts during his wake-up intervals. Sigh... dad's still on saline drip to keep his body salt level normal.

The day was sunny after noon time & sky was actually blue with cotton-white clouds. I wish dad was feeling better so I can bring him out again. Maybe tomorrow...

My spirit is lifting day by day. Darling's coming down to be with us again in 4 days time. This relationship is the main thing keeping me up & looking forward for at the moment. Even tho we've been having some disagreements lately over the phone, I feel more alive knowing that I'm still in-love & someone is always there for me no matter what happens. Thank you, darling. See you soon!

Brain Infection - Day 27

2007-02-10T20:33:00.000+08:00

High fever started since 2am & dad's been struggling till now.

Doc received results from some tests done on samples taken 2 days ago during the minor surgery. One result came out to be quite disturbing... Dad's head wound is infected by a bacteria called Ruminococcus. Doc's worried that this bacteria is infecting dad's inner brain as well. So, he decided to perform a lumbar puncture to extract some fluid from the brain to test for infection. Unfortunately, the test was positive. Immediately, dad's given another type of antibiotic.

Doc's final words to us today were brief & similar as yesterday. He's still monitoring on dad's brain swelling & hope the antibiotics given will fight all infections on dad soon. Doc's still looking at performing a shunt if dad's condition doesn't get better in the next few days.

Mum just called as I'm typing this blog. She said doc just came to see dad again this evening. Doc explained that the bacterias which has infected dad's wound are related to feces, so, he suspects they came from dad's touch to his own wound with his bare hands. Dad sometimes will try to touch his head wound or touch his head as sign of headache, so, maybe this action caused the infection. He told us to be extra careful with dad's constant active hand. Although I've been cleaning dad's hands constantly, obviously it's not enough. So, we'll just have to do more. But I'm also suspecting some of the nurses' here who are not following all protocols of hygiene 100%. They may be the source of infecting my dad. I'll have to keep an eye open now on the nurses.

I talked to dad on the phone, wishing him a good nite sleep & telling him to concentrate on getting well. Although he can't talk yet, but both mum & I feel this will help dad more emotionally.

Dad's losing weight & have not eaten much ever since the feeding tube was taken off him. If this persists till tomorrow, I'm going to request from the doctor to put back the feeding tube so dad can have food into his system again.

We're all emotionally drained at the moment. Sometimes, temper flares & we say things which hurts others. It makes me really sad. But being a family, we somehow know that we didn't mean all the bad things said out to each other. I have to ensure that mum, Tim & I stay together to go thru this for our beloved daddy.

Tired... signing off...

Went for a Stroll - Day 26

2007-02-10T01:02:00.000+08:00

Dad's appetite continued to grow today. We've been feeding him as much as he wants: yogurt, milo, wantan, glucoline, powdered energy drink, supplement drinks, bread etc. Anything soft & easy to swallow & approved by the doctors. He seems to have better control of his lips & cheek muscles. Less drooling while being fed.

But dad's been shivering a lot today. Very sensitive to coldness. We covered him with blankets constantly till he felt hot again, then he'll push off the blankets. He looks so fragile yet strong at times.

In the late afternoon, he struggled hard to get up & insisted to be seated on the wheel chair. No... he couldn't talk yet, but we can determine from his body movements on wat he wants at that moment.

So, for the 1st time, we helped him into the wheel chair without help from the nurses. Then, I decided since it's a nice sunny day, we should bring dad out from the hospital building. Let him feel the freedom of being outside, smell the air & look at the gardens & environments around him instead of the walls in the hospital. He seemed to like it altho he fell asleep halfway during the stroll. Most likely feeling peaceful with the rocking of the wheel chair & the soft wind blowing us cool.

Doc's still concerned about the bleeding in dad's brain and the building up of water in the brain as well. He's going to wait till Monday to check on dad's situation again before deciding whether to operate dad again or not. I still pray God will answer our prayers that the swelling will subside by then & no more unwanted complications for daddy.

I'm just not sure anymore wat else I can do except be with my family & pray to the Lord. I've had people coming to me suggesting buying this & that or to adopt certain methods to make dad better, but I'm not willing to risk doing a mistake which might worsen dad's condition. So, I'm leaving it all to the doctors & the Lord to make my daddy better again.

Another Surgery - Day 25

2007-02-08T23:54:00.000+08:00

Dad had a high fever last nite & vomitted too. Doc got really concerned, especially when he found dad's head wound leaked profusely again. He decided to not risk it anymore & asked our permission to operate on dad again. This surgery will be a minor one, involving re-opening dad's surgery wound where it's leaking & do some cleaning up. Then, he'll stitch it back with another type of stitching method to ensure better seal.

Another scan was done before we decided on the surgery. There were some major changes around dad's left brain. Quiet a large area of the brain is filled with blood. This bleeding is suspected to be caused by the blood thinning medication dad's on currently for the protection of his heart. Mr Ching, dad's neuro surgeon, decided to stop the medication to avoid further bleeding which is currently causing the constant swelling of dad's brain. There are also some area in the midline of the brain filled with some fluid, which doc's not happy with as well. This explains why dad's brain has not subsided in its swelling in these 20+ days.

After discussing with mum, we agreed on the surgery. It went well & fast. Doc told us to pray that dad doesn't get an infection & that the swelling will diminish after he stops the blood thinning medication so the bleeding will stop in the next few days. Else, he'll need to do a cerebral shunt on dad to help release the fluid in the brain into dad's stomach. But let's all pray that this procedure will not be necessary.

Dad was stressed up & we saw him shivered out of fear the moment he heard that he's going into the OT again for the cleaning procedure. We tried to comfort him with encouraging words but he continued to show fear even after he came out from the OT. After surgery, it's a common practise to put the patient into the ICU for monitoring, so dat's wat they did with daddy. Dad was half conscious but it was visible that he's afraid from the constant shivering throughout his whole body & mouth. Luckily, doc realised that daddy wasn't comfortable being back into the ICU, so after 2 hrs in there, doc gave the green light to move dad back to the normal ward. Immediately after being moved back, dad calmed down & started to get himself comfortable again with his sleeping positions.

It took another 1 hr for dad to fully awake from his drowsiness. I fed him some liquid diet & yogurt and he took them all fast. Poor dad was so hungry cos he didn't get to eat anything the whole day. After feeding, he went to sleep soundly.

I'll continue to pray that there will be no more further hiccups in dad's recovery. Our feelings & emotions are like being in a roller coaster for the past 25 days. Very tiring & draining... But I'm happy cos dad's gone thru today with flying colors.

Better Again - Day 24

2007-02-08T01:32:00.000+08:00

Wonderful day today. Sky's been sunny & didn't rain that long. Did a few important errands earlier of the day, then back home to complete my dissertation plan. Once done, I rushed to the hospital cos I missed dad & mum so much.

I was thrilled to see dad's gained more energy & appetite. He consumed more beverages & some food. Mum reported that dad did very well in today's physio. He actually managed to stand up with just the assistance from ONE physio therapist. Previously, he's needed at least 2 person to assist him to stand.

I'm praying dat daddy dearest will gain more strength & motivation to get well soon. Our family's situation will definitely get better with him being able to communicate with us fully again. Honestly, I'm getting desperate for him to gain full consciousness as there are many things that requires him to do so right now.

Dear Lord, please continue to show mercy on us. Heal my daddy & take all our sufferings away. Show us the way as we're lost. Amen.

Two in One - Day 22 & 23

2007-02-07T00:31:00.000+08:00

Nothing much happened last 2 days. Dad's gout attack has subsided & we can see more movement coming back on his left leg where the gout attacked. Physio started again however it didn't last for long.

Daddy started having diarrhea & have lasted for 2 days. Due to the frequent purging, dad's demotivated to do physio, especially when he purged during the therapy. Today, dad's weaken terribly. We suspect it's due to the constant purging & lack of appetite dad's been showing since the diarrhea started. He's eaten less & less altho we tried various types of food to entice him to start eating more. Finally, doc decided to put dad on saline drip to maintain his sodium level in his body.

I got sick yesterday. Flu & headache. Most probably due to being under the rain often & lack of rest. I immediately took Clarinase & took a nap in the late afternoon & went to bed early last nite, hence, no blogging.

God's been giving me more strength today. Flu no more altho I'm feeling weak. Also, God answered my prayers to help me in my MBA dissertation. Finally, I managed to have a clearer mind & determination to get some work done today. Not finished yet but hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to complete my dissertation plan as deadline's on the 8th Feb.

Darling's coming down to Kuching next week. I can't wait... Thank you, dear Lord, our Protector.

Another Day - Day 21

2007-02-05T01:02:00.000+08:00

Sleepy & tired, so gona make this one a short one.

The feeding tube was taken out from dad today. Actually, he pulled it out himself when no one's looking. Doc decided to let us feed him orally. Hope dad'll eat more soon cos he needs all the nutritions to get better.

More movement on his left leg, altho he couldn't lift it up yet. I think his right hand too has more muscle movement today. His gout is still there, so dad didn't move much today. Physio therapy on halt at the moment until dad can move without pain anymore.

Dad tried to talk today but he couldn't get enought strength to say one word even. It looked like he's trying so hard to push a word out from his mouth, but to no avail. But we're looking at this as a positive thing. Cos if he's trying to talk, means his mind is returning back to normal soon.

I'm still stuck with my MBA dissertation plan. I'm stressed cos I can't seem to have the clear mind to complete it. I pray the Lord will guide me tomorrow to complete it. It's already past due... Dear Lord... please help me.

New Updates - Day 20

2007-02-04T01:02:00.000+08:00

Dad's eating better today. I cooked both chicken porridge & mash potatoe for him. He seemed to like the potatoe more as he ate most of it as compared to the porridge.

Dad's coughing a little but we guess it's due to the frequent swallowing which he's trying to get use to again.

His head wound is still leaking but mildly. Doc wasn't very concerned with it, so we decided to trust his judgement. Dad's trachy wound has yet to close up totally. Partly cos he's been coughing & holding his breath sometimes which pushed the wound open. We can hear air hissing out from it at times when he helf his breath.

Dad's suffering from gout since last nite. We're puzzled at why it happened as we didn't give him anything which may trigger the gout. Later, I talked to darling who's got gout too & reasoned dad is not having enough fluid daily to flush out the uric acid in his body. It made sense cos dad has not been drinking enough fluid since he was in the hospital. 20 days without consuming enough water! The only water source was from the tube feeding 3-hourly which was about 300ml of blendered food. Definitely not enough water in his body. Even his pee was orangey! Doc gave him medicine in hope that dad won't feel the pain so much & to lessen down the swelling. I pray dad will have better sleep tonite.

Dad's been awake a lot at nite. Trashing pillows out of bed or trying to climb up, maybe out of bed. We're not sure. Doc explained dad might be hallucinating at times. So, he adviced us to keep the lights on at nite so dad won't "see" things.

He's still not speaking to us. I fear he's really lost his speech ability. But I still pray that God will be kind & let daddy be able to speak at least a few words so we can communicate better in the future. When I reflect back on the past, we seldom talk much during my teenage life and early adulthood. Only recent 5 or 6 yrs past we started talking more on the phone. When I was very young, dad's always out travelling. When he returned home, we're not allowed to disturb him resting. The only times we're talking is when we get a lecture from him for doing something bad at school. Else, everything was left to my mum to handle us.

I was adviced to talk to daddy often to encourage him to speak again. But, wat can I talk to him about? Once again, I'm blurr & stuck. Since our relationship wasn't based much on talking, we'll find it hard to start, especially with dad's condition now. But I know the Lord will show me the way soon.

I saw dad shivered today for the 1st time in my whole life. I felt scared... for him, my family & myself. He looked so fragile for once. So weak... And I got scared... Once again I felt the sudden struck of realisation that my family including daddy will now depend on me to be the head of the family. Can I handle it? How?

Doc told us time is near to release daddy from hospital. He asked us when are we ready to bring him home. We've decided earliest will be week before Chinese New Year or latest will be 2nd week of March. We need dad to be able to balance himself while sitting & also stand up himself with half assistance from us before we're ready to bring him home. Reason being that he's a really big person and we won't be able to handle his weight without professional help. If he progresses well in the next coming week, we'll prepare to bring him home. Else, we'll still keep him in the hospital but doc gave us green light to bring him home on day trips during Chinese New Year days.

Pray for the best... Sleep now... 1.30am...

Miserable - Day 19

2007-02-02T21:54:00.000+08:00

I hate it here! Why??? Here's why: (mind my language...)

Bloody streamyx in my house here has uploading problem. Not again! Had had such a hard time back in KL & I've to go through all the yellings & black mailings with the customer service all over again if I want this one to be fixed!
Haven't been able to upload files to the internet since I came back. My MBA professor is screaming murder if I don't upload my dissertation plan soon. I've hardly the time & peace of mind to do my dissertation during this period. It's stressing me out...
I've only 2 friends here. One's staying pretty far at the outskirt of the city, so we can forget about meeting up in the evening. Another one's been trying to spend time with me but she's got a job & a boyfriend too, so I can't expect her to be with me every evening. Almost every day I come home feeling lonely & depress & restless.
90% of my day is spent in the hospital. Or else, I'll be running around town buying stuffs for dad. When I'm out of the hospital, usually the sun would have gone down already.
My mind's been full with dad & mum & little bro 20hrs of the day. Yes... even in my sleep! Everyday I woke up feeling tired & sleepy. The other 4 hrs will be thinking of life in KL & my MBA deadlines.
Relationship with bro getting worse. We can't seem to click. I can't handle his immature actions & I can't understand him!
I miss my things back in KL. Feeling like staying in a hotel here. Nothing is mine altho it's supposed to be my home too. I miss my clothes, my PC, my kitchen, my books, and even our terrapins!
The parking lots here are so narrow! The drivers here are even worse... always driving below 60km/hr, even on the right lane! And more often than not, one car will take two parking lots at a time! Bloody selfish pricks!
It's been raining cats & dogs 70% of the day everyday. Occasional sunshine but never last long enough for the roads to dry properly.
I'm missing darling terribly. Hate the distance between us. And the lack of communication didn't help neither.
My hair's a mess. Went for a cut & it was good only for 1 day. I need to go back KL & see Gibson to sort it out soon!
I can't plan for the future. I'm so used to having plan my weeks & months ahead of time so I'm well prepared for the activities or events coming up. But now, I can't even plan for any activities & events! Everything now is just hospital, doctors & dad's business.
Have my camera with me but just don't have the chance to go out & take a break with it. It's either raining or I've to be at the hospital!
Everything is so slow here!

God help me before I crack! I feel so trapped...

A Short One - Day 18

2007-02-01T23:26:00.000+08:00

Dad ate one little banana today.

Doc finally gave the green light to take off the trachy from dad. He said dad should be able to try to talk now. So, we're keeping our fingers crossed & praying hard to dear Lord that dad will talk again soon.

Other than that, daddy tried standing up with some help from us. He stood 1st time for about 3 mins, 2nd time for bout 5 mins and third time, he got tired so we let him go back to bed & sleep.

He's "potty trained" now altho still wearing adult diapers just in case... Mum's been very patience with dad and I can see her smiles brighten up each day after seeing dad's constant positive progress.

Currently still having problem communicating & understanding little brother. I feel that I've failed as an elder sister. Told mum today that I can't seem to get through him. Been having problems understanding his recent actions which to my opinion was unacceptable in this time of crisis. Maybe it's his way of handling the situation but I was hoping he can act & think for the family, not against the family. Mum said that's just him. At this point, I'm taking it as him being too spoilt & still immature.

Ah well... Time to sleep. Been sleepy for the past few days, even in the wee afternoon, especially when driving up & down the hospital. Will continue again soon.

More Progress - Day 17

2007-02-01T00:45:00.000+08:00

Dad's head wound is drying up again. Still mildly leaking but doc was happy this morning with its healing progress. Let's hope dad don't get another sneezing frenzy which will open up the wound again! My heart's been talking to God Almighty every moment I'm alone, asking for His kind mercy upon my dad.

Dad progressed well again in physio therapy today. Did some color identification puzzles & showed very good response.

Dad's been calmer since mum returned to hospital to be with him yesterday. I'm guessing that dad is beginning to realise mum's unending love for him & this makes him wanting my mum around him. Is this the "blessings in disguise" kinda thing? Only God knows.

I only pray dad will get well soon so we all can go home together. And mum will b able to rest better at home while being with dad. I'm worried for mum... but she's been staying strong & determine all the while. I'm amazed with her strength... cos I'm already feeling the fatigue both physically & mentally.

Doc suggested that we start training dad to feed normally again. So, today I went shopping for fruits, yogurt & anything soft for dad to swallow. Mum started feeding dad on yogurt & we can see that dad was "hungry" to taste food in his mouth again. He opened his mouth for more feeding & my heart lifted up seeing him that way. We didn't give him much yet but will try to add more portion tomorrow. I pray that by this weekend, dad can eat as normal again.

Tired... going to sleep. Nites all...

Two in One - Day 15 & 16

2007-01-31T01:12:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, dad went on the wheelchair & was brought to the physio-department for exercise & therapy. They helped dad with his sitting balancing & he managed to balance himself without ppl holding him for about 8 seconds max. He didn't hold on longer cos he kept falling asleep.

Dad was given jelly to test if he can swallow & maybe start eating through the mouth soon. He apparently can swallow well, just that he refused to eat the jelly after 2 scoopings. Maybe it didn't taste well for him.

Dad's head wound was pretty dry the whole day.

Last nite, mum finally gave in & agreed to go home & rest. I took over & stayed back in the hospital with the night nurse that we've emloyed. It was a terrible nite. Dad was awake whole nite, trashing around & struggling to get up from the bed, sometimes trying to climb out. He sneezed & it created a huge leak from his head wound again. I got really upset because that was my worse fear at the moment. Doc has told us dad may not b able to handle another surgery so soon but if the wound persist to leak, he's no choice to take the chance & operate to clean the dead cells inside dad's brain. There are 2 risks that he's concerned about. First, dad's heart may not dwell well being under anesthesia again for the surgery. Second, doc may need to suck out the brain matter & there's no way to be sure if he'll suck out dead or alive cells. This may affect dad's recovery chances.

I was so upset I cried at one point & begged dad to stop struggling with us. I prayed so hard in my heart that dad'll finally calm down & go to sleep. He finally did at 8am this morning. I collapsed on the couch mins after the day nurse we've employed arrived to take over the care for my dad.

The leak from his wound continues on the whole day till this evening. It was still leaking mildly when I left the hospital at 11pm.

Dad refused the physio work this morning. Maybe cos he's too tired from being up whole nite. But the 2nd session today went pretty well. Dad was given a simple task to identify colors. Mum said dad did pretty well... about 80% success.

Mum wana stay with dad again tonite, alone this time, as we've asked the night nurse to stop coming over.

I hope dad will sleep soundly tonite & give my mum a chance to have a good nite sleep too. Dad seemed more calm today the moment mum arrived back in the hospital. So, we're guessing that daddy just want mum to be with him throughout this ordeal.

I felt better after 3 hrs sleep in the morning. Went out whole day to complete some important tasks for my family. Felt better when I recieved nice emails from friends. Thanks guys!

Will continue again soon...

Dad on Wheel Chair - Day 14

2007-01-29T00:07:00.000+08:00

We got dad on the wheelchair for 20 mins today. He was doing great, although, he dozed off a couple of times while sitting. Sign of his brain swelling not subsiding yet.

Dad's head wound dried up little by little ever since his coughing lessen down. A good sign... hope it'll completely dry up by tomorrow so doc don't have to operate daddy again.

I lost my patience for the 1st time today. But I didn't show it to anyone... Dad's became more active & this comes with good & bad stuffs. Good cos this means he's gaining more strength & probably his brain is healing & the damages didn't really affect his logical thinking & memories. Bad cos he's more rebellious at times, especially when he doesn't know how to express wat he wants from us as he still couldn't talk.

Mum called me from the hospital few hours ago, reporting that daddy fought with everyone just now, trying to pull-off the string that holds the trachy on his neck. Dad's really strong physically & it'll take many to handle him if he gets violent. She told me to be on stand-by in case he refused to listen to reasoning. Then, I'll need to come down & talk to him, as normally he'll listen to me.

Anyway... today's not the best day for me emotionally once again. I feel very trapped today. I know I shouldn't feel this way... but I can't stop myself feeling angry being in this situation right now. With matters in the hospital, my worries for my mum, things with the company and my responsibility as a bigger sister to train my young, immature brother, I hope I don't crack!

Going to sleep & pray God will give me calmer mind tomolo.

I Took A Break - Day 13

2007-01-28T02:59:00.000+08:00

Tis Saturday, so decided that my younger bro can take over in the hospital. I went for a haircut and wash in the late afternoon. It helped a little bit... in releasing some stress.

Doc told me today that he's still concerned with dad's wound in the head. He'll give dad another 48 hrs before he decides whether to operate on dad's head again to clean the dead cells. He's hoping that by Monday, the secretion will dry-up and close. I pray God will heal his wound & stops the swelling as well as dad's coughing. Dad's been coughing less today. Thank God! Doc said if dad goes for another surgery, very high risk of getting another heart attack. I was full of dismay when I heard his report but I told myself that the Lord will take care of things cos He HAS been doing that all this while. I won't give up my hope.

Despite all that, dad's been really active today. The tube controlling his pee has been removed, so he's on diapers all the time. And he actually can signal to us whenever he pee-d. Also, he's sat up again today, showing more strength than yesterday.

I went out drinking with Eileen, my dear "sister" tonite. Drank half bottle of wine by myself & am pretty high right now as I type...

Oh... I cooked for dad today! His dietrician gave me a list of things to cook & I actually did it in 1 hr! I was praying all the time while preparing the food & asking God to bless the food so it'll give all the nutritions dad needs to heal.

I love Daddy so much. Altough we seldom spend time together intimately, I know he loves me most & was proud of having me as his daughter. I miss daddy so much... my heart is aching rite now. But I know God hears my prayers & pleas.

Okay... I'll stop here... the alcohol is making me too emotional at the moment & eyes are too wet to see what I'm typing. Good nite.

Ups & Down - Day 12

2007-01-26T23:27:00.000+08:00

One thing I've learned from the day dad first went into hospital is that things can never be certain at any time, any rate.

Dad's head wound continues to secrete puss & dead brain cells today. Doctor decided to get another scan & result was that the swelling has not subsided much. With the pressure still there, whenever dad coughed (he's been coughing a lot due to infection in his lung), it'll create more pressure to the head/brain. So, more secretion will flow out from the wound.

Doc sent some samples of the secretion to the lab & result came out today. There is a bacterial infection but it's a skin-type of bacteria. He's not certain whether the inner part is infected as well. He'll wait for another day & see if the wound will eventually dry up. Meantime, he's ordered the dressing clips to be removed alternately to provide more space for the wound to breathe. Also, to determine where the secretion is most severe. He'll need to do a lumba puncture later if the wound doesn't heal to determine if any infection is in the brain. I pray to God that He'll protect dad's brain from any infection watsoever.

If things worsen or doesn't improve, doc will need to open dad's brain up again to clean the dead cells. He's not keen on doing that as there's a high risk of dad getting another heart attack from the stress of surgery.

On the brighter note, dad's sat up again today for more than 5 mins with the help of the physio therapists. There's even slight movement on this right leg! We've been stretching his "limp" side since he's in the ICU and the therapist even showed us the proper way to help dad stretch & move the muscles.

I know dad's suffering from muscles aches for lying down for so many days already. Luckily doc decided today that time has come for dad to try to sit on a wheelchair. Although dad's still drowsy all the time due to the brain swelling, doc wans dad to start on more intensive physiotherapy as soon as possible. Hence, we've been waking him up & urging him to co-operate with the therapy. Thanks the Almighty God, dad was pretty "hardworking" & co-operative so far...

Gosh... time flies... till now, I've yet dare to see further in the future bout my own life. I know things will eventually need to be settled but my heart's heavy to make any decisions now. I'll give it another 1 week, praying that daddy will be fully awake then with all major health problems minimized to the lowest risk level.

I miss you, darling. Can't wait to see you soon for CNY.

Advance Physio - Day 11

2007-01-26T01:59:00.000+08:00

The head of physio-therapist came to see dad today. She's a non-local... not sure from where but definitely not American or British. Somewhr from Europe I'm guessing. Anyway, Caroline (that's her name) did some work on dad's limbs today. She decided to help my dad sit-up today. She had an assistant with her & I helped together with mummy.

Dad sat for whole 5 mins! Nearly fully awake & managed to lift his head up a few times while sitting down. His eyes were opened at times for a few mins, looking around especially the window & our faces. He didn't say anything cos the tube in this trakea is still there. No facial expression in his face but I'm pretty sure dad's pretty proud & happy of the new development, amidst the confusion in his dizzy head.

We've been learning on how to turn daddy so to avoid him getting bed-sores. Good thing daddy knows how to assist us during the process. It's amazing how a simple task of turning daddy's position can create a bonding feeling between us and him.

Dad's sleeping pattern had yet to return to normal. He's asleep mostly during the day and only awake after 5pm. Mum's guessing that daddy didn't like the brightness of the daylight cos eyes are still sensitive to lights. Dad's more active after 5pm, however, today he's been asleep more. Maybe too exhausted by the physio work today.

I'm missing home in KL and darling Francis. But Chinese New Year is just around the corner & I can't wait to see him again as he's coming back here to be with us. I'm not sure how's this year's CNY gona be, but for sure is that it'll be the happiest celebration for me cos I still can spend it with daddy dearest.

Dad's head wound is still oozing with dead brain cells... I pray that Lord Almighty will put His hand over the wound and close it. At the same time, pouring His grace of healing power into daddy's brain to heal properly.

Another Day in the Ward - Day 10

2007-01-24T23:44:00.000+08:00

Today's been full of happenings. Went around town doing some errands. Went shopping for necessities such as tissues, adult diapers, etc. Spent the whole afternoon till evening wth dad & mum @ the hospital.

Dad gave us further pleasant surprises today. I finally decided to allow dad's left hand to be released from being tied down for fear he'll try to pull off the tubes on him unconsciously. Upon being released, dad's left hand started touching his left thigh & knee. Then, he reached for his right hand! I helped him to get his right hand into his left hand & he immediately grabbed it & started massaging the right hand & arm. My heart broke into pieces while looking at him. His face was distorted with maybe pain or sadness. Cos I think he finally realised that he's not able to feel on his right at all.

Later on, dad started to itch around the nose & head. He started to reach out & scratch at the affected areas. Amazingly & thankfully, he scratched gently and immediately I thank God for this wonderful sign. This means dad knows his own condition & can reason himself to be careful not to aggravate his wounds & situation.

Finally, the one most wonderful thing that happened today was that I felt dad's right leg twitches & moves slightly while I was massaging & stretching it. His leg responded to the stretching I did, which means he can feel the slight pain from the movement. This happened a repeatedly in different times. One time, dad even tried to lift up the leg as I saw a huge muscle movement at this thigh & his ankle moved a little. All the while, his face was scowling in concentration.

However, we're also facing some minor problems today. Dad's surgery wound on the head showed some secretion. Mum's realised about it & told the nurse to tell doc. They took a sample for test & doc later told us the secretion was dead brain cells being pushed out to the opening. Cause was probably due to dad's constant effort to cough which caused intense pressure in his head & directly his brain.

Dad kept on holding his forehead & pinching his temple, a sign of headache. I tried to massage his temple to ease the pain but I think the pain is due to the brain still swelling. Dad's been rubbing his eyes a lot too. Oh... for the first time, he's been awake long enough to try to watch TV in the room! Maybe due to the concentration, he's experiencing tired & blur eyesight, hence, the constant rubbing.

I hope tomolo will bring more positive progress in daddy. I'm very confident God's angels are still with daddy, trying to fix all that's been damaged & caring for places which are healing. Thank you, dear Lord, for your compassion towards my father. I lift it all up to You to make my father whole again. Amen.

Out of ICU - Day 9

2007-01-24T01:03:00.000+08:00

They finally moved daddy to normal ward in the afternoon. He was showing more physical strength in the morning. Could actually turn to his right side, although with lots of effort as his right body is still not functioning.

Dad is still feeling lots of pain, I think mostly in his throat. Most tubes have been taken off daddy except the feeding tube through his nose, the trachy tube for him to breathe from the trakea and the peeing tube inserted in his penis to flow pee out. Dad's movement & consciousness slowed down after noon time & been sleeping most of the time since then.

Mum's staying with dad in the hospital tonite. Although I insisted that she sleeps at home and I be with dad, she was determined to stay put to accompany dad. Then I realised, despite all the hurts & anger in her from previous mistreatments given by dad to her, she still truly loves him with all her heart & soul. My heart goes out to mum... how I wish dad knows how much mummy loves him. He's been telling me that mum never loves him that much & I can't seem to understand what made him thinks that way.

Today's been a rough day for me. Mainly cos had had only 3 hrs sleep last nite, and yes, I missed mass in the morning due to lack of sleep.

I feel very drained out emotionally at the moment. On the way back from the hospital in the evening, I was feeling so so lonely. I have very little friends here & I wish I have the companies I have back in KL. Went home feeling very down, so I kept myself busy with some houseworks then cooked a simple dinner. Ate infront of the TV alone, feeling all miserable with the emptiness of the house.

I have to pull through this situation! But I need help... But where can I get help? And what kind of help do I need? I dono... I'm just confused, scared & tired at the moment.

Please Almighty God, reveal the way to me soon. Take away the pain in my heart & give me strength & hope to go on facing the challenges ahead. Amen.

A Wonderful Gift - Day 8

2007-01-22T23:50:00.000+08:00

Daddy answered to some of my commands today! I asked him to lift his left hand and leg so I can wipe him with cold baby wet-napkin. And he lifted them up for me!!!

He's currently having so much pain in his throat. One from swallowing, another from caughing. I'm guessing that his throat was injured from the ventilation tube from the last few days. And he's been coughing lots to clear tonnes of mucus from his lung.

Every time he frowned or crinched from the pain, my heart sank. I wish I can take away his pain for him or carry his pain for him. But I know God's keeping dad strong & have lessen dad's pain to the minimal.

Daddy was supposed to be discharged from the ICU and moved into the normal ward today. However, there was no space available in the single-room list, so, doctor decided to keep dad one more nite in the ICU.

We're really thankful that the neuro-surgeon looking after daddy now is also the hospital's 2nd top guy in the management team. He's pretty friendly & yet tough with the nurses. I sometimes hear him giving advices to the nurses & also jokes with them. He's also very straight-forward & very good in communication skill. He gave me lots of respect & listened to every questions I had for him & took the time & patience to explain my queries in details. I like him most for his straight-forwardness. Very frank & outward, never hesitates when talking to us. Along with him are 2 more doctors, a cardiologist & an anesthetist. Three of them formed one team in my dad's rescue & treatment mission.

We're preparing to get a home-care nurse to be dad's side whole day every day to tend to his medical & some minor needs which we might not be able to provide efficiently ourselves. Also at the same time, we're preparing ourselves mentally for the challenges ahead to help dad recover to the fullest possible. Will be lots of emotional & physical stress, so we pray God will guide us & give us strength.

Thank you, dear Almighty God, for answering our prayers to my father. I'm going to mass tomolo morning to offer my thanks & more prayers to dad. It's at 5.50am, yes, and I'm amazed myself for the determination I've gotten since last week. May the Angels of God be with me & help me wake up tomolo. Amen.

Slow Progress - Day 7

2007-01-22T00:03:00.000+08:00

Doctor started on medications for daddy's heart today. Some blood thinning medicine to protect dad from another heart attack/stroke. And something else which made dad's heart beating slower. So, MAYBE due to this new development, daddy has been falling in & out of sleep a lot today.

I've been trying to stimulate my dad to respond to my questions but he didn't manage to do much today. Yesterday, he was more responsive altho I can't be sure if he really did understand me during those times.

But I PRAY mainly for dad's conscious mind. I PRAY that he'll regain his memories & ability to understand like normal during watever we say to him. We need him to KNOW wat's around him and remember important things about the company. We're still digging up stuffs which mostly we couldn't comprehend at the moment.

Dad's been having fever on & off today. Doc said to expect this as long as there are still tubes & needles attached to daddy. Cos infections will occur from the wounds. Seeing dad so helpless & mellow today worries me so so much. I feel so helpless myself. I wish I can absorb all the pain he's currently feeling. I want him to be able to smile again, laugh again & give me his big bear hug. Oh I so so miss him...

My loneliness deepened today when darling Francis left for KL finally. I dono when we're gona see each other again but I pray it'll be soon. I tot I was gona cry when I sent him off at the airport, but I managed not to do so. Dono why... we've been apart before for months & I handled the separation pretty well. Maybe cos this time, I'm not sure of my future plans. With that, insecurities tried to creep into my thoughts but so far I managed to push them away. Thank God, darling been showing me his supports and thus helped to give me hope.

We had a scare just now when I found some red rashes underneath dad's skin by his left side near the chest. Immediately I tot it was bleeding from the lung or something. Cos I know he's under blood thinning medication & doc's fear was old wounds will bleed again or blocked arteries will unblock & cause hemorrhaging. A medical officer on-shift took his blood sample for test & thank God the result is normal. I monitored dad's rashes for 1 hr+ before accepting that he's not in any danger.

Doc mentioned to us this morning that if dad improves more today & tomolo, he'll approve dad's release for a move out of the ICU to normal ward. Doc wans dad to go out soon to get the healing power of the Sun. His rationale is that all living things on earth thrive well with the Sun's energy. So, he wants dad to b able to get a room in the normal ward with windows which will enable dad to see the daylight outside. I pray that this will be very soon.

We're told that time has come for us to take care of daddy fully with minimal support from the medical team. I'm scared & I'm pretty sure mum is too. My younger brother has yet to understand our situation. He has yet to understand the weight of our new responsibilities once dad's allowed to discharge from the ICU. We've plans to employ a nurse to provide home care service for us. But will have to discuss further with doctor tomolo.

I'm sleeping alone tonite & those who know me well will know that I hate sleeping alone. Especially at moments like this... I'm very very sleepy & I hope I can sleep well tonite. Please do continue pray for my dad & family, dear friends. We really need your support & God's grace at the moment.

Dad Breathes - Day 6

2007-01-21T00:01:00.000+08:00

Dad's been breathing on his own since the ventilator was taken off him this morning. Doctor informed us that he's confident the pressure in his brain is subsiding. Hence, he decided to take off the tube that measures dad's brain pressure level. Reason being that the longer the tube stays there, the higher risk of infection will occur from the wound around the tube.

I thank the Almighty God that He's kept my dad calmer today. Once a while, dad got agitated but only for a short while. Mostly when he was turned into position which may have caused some discomfort to him. I spent lots of time talking to him & trying to get response from him through hand squeeze or eyelids movement. I think he's responding to me... altho not all the time. So, this is good news. He can open his eyes wider now, but not sure if he can focus well altho I can see that he's trying to focus on the direction of the voices around him.

I'm going to continue to pray for more improvement in my dad's recovery. Once again, I'm reaching to everyone to continue praying for daddy so he will be out of danger & on the road to healing fully very soon.

Darling Francis will be leaving back to KL tomorrow. I'm feeling very sad & scared but I've to keep telling myself he's still with me altho he's physically far away.

It crossed my mind today that I've not many friends here altho I'm supposed to be HOME. Sigh... I'm feeling very lonely at the moment. I miss all my friends back in KL so much.

Mum's been doing so well coping with our current situation. She's eating well & staying strong both emotionally & physically. I thank God once again for putting His embrace on her. My younger brother is also doing pretty well at the moment. He's been keeping himself busy with the responsibilities given to him to take care of dad's company's welfare. Although he's yet to express much of his feelings to me, I'm guessing he's at least talking to his friends.

That's all for now. Will write again tomorrow.

Hanging On - Day 5

2007-01-20T09:48:00.000+08:00

Sorry didn't write last nite. Had a very late nite, hence, took the chance this morning to update this blog.

The ventilator was taken off sometime in the late morning yesterday & dad immediately breathe on his own. We were very happy & relieved of this new improvement. Doctor felt further hopes with dad's recovery. However, they're monitoring for dad's brain pressure still, hoping that with this new outcome, the pressure doesn't increase.

In the afternoon, doctor introduced us to one of his patient who came for a follow-up in the hospital. The patient, Mr Ling, had had a similar condition back in December 2006. He collapsed at home due to highblood pressure & directly to stroke. His wife managed to find him in time & got him to hospital. His condition was not as severe as dad's, however, he was having no movements in his whole left side body & facial muscles. When he woke up from unconscious after a few days, he could only mumble gibberish words, however, he managed to recognise people & understand commands.

Once discharged from hospital, his family brought him for immediate recovery process: acupunture, physiotherapy & traditional massage to get his muscles moving. After 2 months, he's managed to walk & talk! It was a real miracle & this gave us hope. We asked for any tips & advice from him & family. They're really nice people & I thank God us giving us help through them. They're a simple family who lives in the outskirt of Kuching, not well to-do & very humble. I was filled with full respect & admiration after seeing how strong they are facing their condition with the little that they've got in their lives.

Later in the afternoon, dad had had difficulty breathing due to massive mucus in his lung. He coughed a lot & sneezed a couple of times. The mucus is due to the after-effect of anaesthetic & usage of ventilator for so many days already. His heavy smoking habit didn't help the lung neither. The sneezing could've been caused by his sinus problem. He's had major sinus problem for many years already & the only to rectify it is through surgery which he didn't want to take.

At one point, I saw daddy trembled due to difficulties of getting enough oxygen into his lung, Face was red & his left hands was struggling very hard to pull anything he can reach while he hand was being tied-down to avoid him pulling off the tubes unconsciously. He was very agitated & angry, i think. It was so heart-wrenching to see him like that. Doc decided to put back the ventilator on to assist his breathing. So, last nite, he was breathing on his own with help of the ventilator again. He calmed down a little, but once a while, he'll struggle with his left hand & leg again to show restlessness.

This morning, mum told me dad's condition didn't change much from last nite. Doc decided to give dad another try with the ventilator off. Will update again tonite if can...

Meantime, I'm in the process of taking over my dad's company & all his personal stuffs. Been meeting a lot of his friends & business partners to ensure them business still goes on. We need to keep the income coming for future cos altho dad's insurance can cover the whole hospital bills, he'll need more for recovery. Physiologist service, his heart condition, medication, all necesities till he recover as much as he can.

I'm finding more & more things I've never known about my dad. I pray to God for guidance, wisdom & strength in the path of being the new head of the family from now on... I thank God that darling Francis is by my side all the way, however, our future is not certain yet.

So many things to do, so little time. God please help me & my family.

More Improvement - Day 4

2007-01-19T00:50:00.000+08:00

God gave us new hope today. Thanx to all the prayers offered by everyone out there. I went to church early this morning to attend mass. And had a confession with Fr Simon whom I knew since I was 10 yrs old. It felt so good to pour out all the things I've kept inside for so many years.

Doctor told us dad's been showing good signs since the brain surgery. He's happy with dad's progress & after discussing with the other 2 doctors in the team, they've decided to start giving my dad a chance to breathe on his own. A tube was inserted into dad's trakea this afternoon, but he's currently still on the machine to breathe. It'll take time for dad to breath 100% on his own so, the machine will be there for a few more days.

Docs want my dad to start breathing so the minor lung infection he's currently having can be overcome faster. He needs to use his lung muscles to get rid of the mucus & fluid from the lung. Please pray that dad can wake up soon, and sit up & move more soon. Cos this will help a lot to avoid further infections in the lung.

That is all for now. There are more minor stuffs but I need to use whatever time now to sleep. Will write again soon. Thank you all once again for your kind thoughts & prayers. Please keep them coming cos they're really helping us to hold on & keep going. Good nite...

Daddy's Condition - Day 3

2007-01-18T00:58:00.000+08:00

My dearest daddy is hanging-on strong currently in the ICU ward. All vital signs are good so far, altho the brain is still swelling in a slow rate, which is expected.

Thank you for all your prayers... it's working to keep my dad alive. Doc said he'll have a better chance if his condition continues to be stable. Tomorrow should be the final day of his critical moment. Please continue to pray for his survival & healing process.

I came home tonite & immediately got on the net to find infos of brain damages. The more I clicked & surfed, the more terrified I became because there are just so many possible negative results from the brain damage caused by the block in the middle cerebral artery. I had to stop searching after entering 4-5 different websites. It's just too horrifying beyond words. And I'm not ready yet to face all of them at one time! Nor my family... Oh GOD... please help us all, especially my dad!

All I can do now is pray that the damages are not too severe. And be with my dad throughout till indefinitely. I'm beginning to feel the pressure now... as I'm the eldest & most capable in the family. After discussing & reflecting on the future, I'm now aware that my life from here-with will change nearly 100%. Lots of sacrifices will have to be made as part of the changes.

Heartache, sadness, fear, anger & regrets are beginning to build in me but constantly I've to tell myself that I MUST FACE THEM and I HAVE TO OVERCOME THEM. Because my father, whom I love ever so dearly, my brave little mother & my young little brother NEED me.

Oh GOD... Please give me Strength & the Wisdom & walk with me in this new journey. Amen.

We Need Your Prayers

2007-01-17T00:02:00.000+08:00

Some of you may have known by now that I'm currently facing a family crisis at home. My much beloved daddy fell very ill since yesterday. His condition worsen today & had to endure a brain surgery this evening.

That's when I sent text messages out asking for all my friends' help to pray for the success of his life-saving effort. God has answered part of our prayers. The surgery went well & currently his vital signs are beautiful. But that's just barely touching the surface.

His brain will continue to swell due to the stroke he's had yesterday. Currently, the hospital team are on stand-by for 3 unwanted threats. His brain may swell too much, or he may get another heart attack, or he may get lung infections. All are critical matters to his life.

I'm reaching out to my friends to pray for him. He needs to pass the next 3 days without anymore complications. When he gets through, he'll need constant prayers, motivations and any kind of help for his recovery.

Any kind of prayers will do... no matter what religion. I just want God's gracious touch on my dearest daddy to make him better again.

My heart is very heavy right now, but I'm staying strong for my daddy & family. Your support will be appreciated dearly in my family's heart.

Thank you, dear friends.

New Year 2007 Update

2007-01-11T11:01:00.000+08:00

Had a lovely quiet New Year countdown at home with darling Francis & old friend, Peter Cheong. We had a beautiful view from our balcony on the 18th floor, with fireworks from all angles. However, I didn't get to shoot really nice pics that day. Just didn't feel like perfecting my photos & just wana enjoy the scene & moment with Francis & Peter.

The weekend after, darling & I went white water rafting & abseiling at Gopeng with some old & new friends. The white water rafting wasn't as challenging as we expected, at least as compared to our previous experience at Kuala Kubu Baru years ago. Before we started dating...

As for the abseiling... it was the first for both of us. I was a little afraid of the height & strong water rushing down the waterfall. Very exhilarating! Slipped a couple of times but what a relief when I got to the bottom of the waterfall! Francis & the guys went for second round while the girls decided that 1 is enough for the day. Hehehe...

I'm planning to go to Gopeng again this coming weekend. This time to take photos of the wildlife at the nature park. There were lots of butterflies, birds, beautiful river & waterfall scene and various species of plants there.

WWF Malaysia called me up recently & told me I was shortlisted for a job interview! I was kinda surprised, mixed with some uncertainties & excitements of the unknown. Went for the 1st interview & was told today that I've been shortlisted for the final interview. Gosh... I'm not sure how to express my feelings now, but one thing for sure is that I'm gonna give it my best when the interview comes.

Going diving again soon! Mabul-Sipadan-Kapalai again with some friends. Darling Francis is coming along too & I'm really looking forward for the trip.

After the dive trip, there will be another caving trip which I'm planning for friends who've not been to Gua Tempurung. For those who had been there, you're always welcome to join me again.

In conjunction with the Visit Malaysia 2007 celebration, there will be a Floral Parade in Putrajaya on the 27th Jan. I'm not sure how to juggle with the caving thing, but I'm definitely going to try to make it there. Lots of photography opportunities. Will definitely be an educational & unforgettable memory!

There... lots of things to do since the New Year started.

Memories of 2006

2006-12-19T11:43:00.000+08:00

It's that time of the year again... when everyone is preparing for the festive season of Christmas and New Year celebrations.

I start to feel all warm inside every time I watch a Christmas movie on the TV , or went walking around in shopping malls beautifully decorated with variety of colors & crafts , or when I hear Christmas songs being played all around me. Sigh... I can't help but to start thinking of all the wonderful memoriesI've had this year, and some bad ones too.

I have many wonderful stuffs that I thank God for blessing me with:

My whole family got together (yup, all the uncles, aunties & cousins) after more than 10 yrs apart during Chinese New Year
Another wonderful year of being with darling Francis & his family (I miss his brother's family now staying in the U.S)
Strengthen friendship with dear old friends & blessed new ones I was fortunate enough to meet this year. (You know who u are, DEAR BELOVED FRIENDS! )
New places I've visited such as diving at Phuket & Bali twice then Miri, including a family all-women trip to Siem Reap with mum, aunty Cecelia & cousin Claudia.
Wonderful times with my other "family" in Layang-Layang this year & the many new things I saw there!
I passed ALL my modules in my MBA!
My flat-screen monitor, Canon 30D camera & Speedlite 580EX, L200 Mitsubishi truck, Mosquito dive computer, Seacsub BCD, Mares BCD, Mares regulator, 1 wetsuit, excellent Gull fins & many more! (My heartfelt gratitude to my daddy, darling Francis & friends!)
Wonderful times during dinners & outings with friends & families
The expansion of my website with new photo albums & dive trips calendar
Improvement of my photography skills.

There were heartaches & loses this year which I wish could have been avoided. But no one can avoid God's will, that I know. I lift these sad memories to HIM for support & guidance and I thank HIM for having giving me loving families & friends as well as useful resources to go through those hard times.

I will cherish the lost with wonderful memories & humble prayers & take in the regrets; turn them into lessons for a better future.

I'm sorry if I've done things which caused pain & anger to anyone I know. I didn't mean it... Honest...

I pray for health, success & happiness for everyone in my life this coming 2007. Especially for:

Daddy's upcoming angiogram in January 2007
My brother's quest to find himself & achieve well in my dad's company
My mum's constant strength to fight against her old illness
Darling Francis' future in his company
My MBA Dissertation which will decide on my graduation next year
My quest to find myself & build a career of my own
Constant love & support for my newly wedded friends. May they have healthy babies soon!
More new places to visit & dive with my friends
Constant food & clothings, and other blessings of bonuses.
World Peace Hehehe...

Here's to

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year 2007 to ALL!

2006-12-18T17:13:00.000+08:00

Did You Realised?

2006-12-06T11:49:00.000+08:00

Thanx Lynette for sending me this short but beautiful message.

OUR EYES,

We are born with two eyes in front, b'coz we must not always look behind, but see what lies ahead, beyond us.

OUR EARS,

we are born with two ears, one left, one right, so we can hear both sides, collect both the compliments and criticisms, to see which are right.

OUR BRAIN,

We are born with a brain concealed in a skull, then no matter how poor we are, we are still rich. For no one can steal what our brain contains. Packing in more jewels and rings than you can think.

OUR MOUTH,

We are born with two eyes, two ears, but only one mouth. For the mouth is a sharp weapon. It can hurt, flirt, and kill remember to talk less, listen and see more

OUR HEART,

We are born with only one heart, deep in our ribs. It reminds us to appreciate and give love from deep within. Learn to love and enjoy being loved but do not expect pal to love you the way or as much as u have loved them. Give love without expecting love in return and you will find that love is beautiful.

Grass Racing Autosports - Race Event 4

2006-12-05T16:36:00.000+08:00

Ivan Khong, well-known for his DRIFT skill.

Darling Francis joint the GRA race last month, so I went there 2 hrs after I touched down from Alor Star, back from my Thailand dive trip. My first attempt in car racing photography. These shots were the first few shots I took from the race. I did much better the 2nd half of the day but didn't have time convert the pics from RAW format yet. Will upload more photos on my website later.

Lots of LOTUS cars in this event.That's darling Francis having the fun of his life.That's Mike in his beloved Wira. Yup, Francis used his car to race as well.

I hope to improve my skills in this type of photography in the future. Pretty challenging & requires lots of trial & error.

Liveaboard in the Andaman Sea - Nov 2006

2006-11-26T10:10:00.000+08:00

Just returned from a wonderful dive trip in the Andaman Sea 2 weeks ago. Great dives, interesting new friends & scenic locations.

The FANTASTIC FOUR. (From left to right) Jeffrey, Me, Emily, Fiona.

During a stop at Chiang Loong to get some papers filled for our border crossing. We bought some duty-free alcohol too.

Don't be fooled by the cheerful faces. We're all running on adrenaline rush cos lack of sleep due to the early wake-up call for our flight to Alor Star.

After a 1hr ride to Hatyai, we went for a terrific PORK SPARE-PARTS soup & BARBECUED PORK - Thailand style, of course. They came in big -pieces!

After lunch, we had more than 2hrs to spare, hence, we decided to go for a 2hrs Thai massage. That's Emily under extreme "torture".

Somehow, the time passed by so fast... After the massage session, we decided to chill at Sakuri Hotel's cafe lounge for half hour. Read some local newspapers while sipping a cup of coffee.

At last... the long 3 1/2 hrs drive to Trang pier. I wish the travelling didn't need to be so long & tiring.

We finally get to dive the next 3 days. Here are some pics taken from my dives. Lots of nudibranches! I'm in heaven again... Hahaha... This is of a Halgerda species but I can't ID it specifically yet.

I'll try to get some ID confirmation from The Sea Slug Forum later.

Another beautiful nudibranch. A juvenile Risbescia pulchella.

I'm having difficulties trying to position my bulky strobe without getting shadows in my macro photos. Darn...

Lots of scorpion fishes in the Andaman Sea. One has to be careful not to touch the reef for fear of touching these poisonous fish accidentally.

Well, better not touch the reef unnecessarily to avoid causing damages to our beautiful coral reefs.

Most of the dive sites are filled with school of small fries. This signified the richness of Thai waters. It makes me wonder why the hell do the Thai fishermen need to come into our Malaysia waters illegally & catch OUR FISHES???

Ah well... lots more pics later in my website. More pics from Amazonman. I'll definitely return to the Andaman Sea again in the near future. Hopefully...

Comfort Zone

2006-11-22T10:39:00.000+08:00

Yes... unfortunately so, I'm currently stubbornly settled in a comfort zone which at the moment, I find it hard to get out. So, as I browsed through the internet, I came about this simple but interesting article about analyzing one's comfort zone.

Gosh, reading & talking about it is easy, but taking action takes lots of determination & motivation! Sigh... what am I gonna do with myself?

Most of us learned things inside out!

We learned:
"If you don't like your job, change it. If you don't like your wife, change her."

Sometimes it's appropriate to change your job or your partner. But if you don't change too, you are setting yourself up for more of the same.
- Andrew Matthews

How true, how true... Someone please slap me in the face & kick my butt to get going now!

Caving @ Gua Tempurung

2006-11-13T17:16:00.000+08:00

Was a nice weekend, spending time caving with some friends at Gua Tempurung, off Gopeng. You can view photos taken by Cho Teong at his photo album.

PAIN

2006-11-13T12:25:00.000+08:00

I wrote this few years ago...

Pain comes and go,

when u least expect this foe.

An uninvited stranger,

Be careful of this lone ranger!

You can't see it,

you can't touch it,

But when it fills you,

You feel sorrow and blue.

When comes pain,

What do we gain?

No use putting up with pain,

Get rid of it, simple and plain!

When pain finally goes,

Numbness you feel down to your toes,

But be alert, never once drop your defense!

As PAIN will not desert, people without strength!

© ASTHER LAU

Latest Craze - Winter Sonata

2006-11-09T18:54:00.000+08:00

Sigh... I think I'm in love again...

Recently, upon my return from hometown, Kuching, I went & bought a DVD set of a Korean TV series called the WINTER SONATA. Well... thanx to my mum's influence. Hehehe... Being in Kuching with nothing much to do, I accompanied my mum to watch the drama series every nite & needless to say, I got caught into the craze.

The hero character was played by Korean star Bae Yong Joon. Click to visit his website. Really cool site with lots of hot-hot pics of his. Love the background music too. Hehehe... Another site with pics of him with six-packs , The Image

Gosh... I'm in love with BYJ after I finished the whole series. Sigh... When I say "IN LOVE" I really mean it, man! At times I think I missed watching him in the movie. Hahaha... I wish the series didn't have to end.

The heroin character was played by the ever so lovely Choi Ji Woo. I love her character in this drama because she's such a fiery person. Cute too...

Both these superstars really made a perfect fairy-tale couple. The drama series was a great big hit in Japan back in 2003. Another review of the series can be read here.

A little about the drama series... Bae & Choi met during highschool and fell in-love. But shortly after that, Bae got into an accident & everyone thought he was dead. 10 yrs later, he returned into Choi's life as a stranger. Apparently he's lost his memories after the accident.

Slowly, Bae & Choi fell in-love all over again but of course it wasn't that easy! Cos both of them at the time each has someone else too.

A lot of happy & sad moments in this movie. A real tear jerker. Hehehe... Plus the soundtrack was BEAUTIFUL! Well... I wasn't that happy with its ending but, can say it's some sort of a happy ending.

For those hopelessly romantis out there, I fully recommend watching this drama series. I still have the collection of DVDs with me, so let me know early if you wana borrow them, else I'm going to send to my mum soon. Hehehe...

Happy Halloween 2006!

2006-10-31T23:04:00.000+08:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERYONE!

I miss Halloween back in Hawaii... Sigh...

Educational Video - Nudibranchs (Sea Slugs)

2006-10-28T18:37:00.000+08:00

A nice short documentary about my favorite underwater subject. Read more at The Sea Slugs Forum.

Educational Video - Octopus

2006-10-28T13:40:00.000+08:00

Came about YouTube.Com (thanx to Lynette!) & found several useful videos about marine lives & scuba. So, I decided to post constantly any useful videos so every reader can learn more about our ocean & lives within. Enjoy!

Dreamstime Recognition

2006-10-24T22:11:00.000+08:00

Agency: Dreamstime.com

FINALLY! After more than 1 yr as a member in Dreamstime, they've accepted one of my work for the FREE IMAGE OF THE DAY segment. It shows that my work is worthy & good enough for designers & other members to use.

THANX LITTLE SQUID!

Divers WANTED: 15-19 Nov 2006

2006-10-24T21:57:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... still desperately looking for divers to join me for a "Dive with Mantas" trip in Thailand this coming November. Details can be found at my personal online calendar at http://astherlau.com/CalendarNov2006.html There are itinerary of the trip & flight info on the website. Check out the photos I took at Hin Daeng & Hin Muang early this January.

It is the season for school of giant gentle manta-rays at Hin Daeng & Hin Muang. AND manta-rays ARE NOT DANGEROUS cos they don't have stingers, so no need to be afraid. Come join me & email me or call me soon!

My Dear Grandma

2006-10-21T17:32:00.000+08:00

I'm currently back in Kuching, my hometown in Sarawak. This trip was meant for me to spend some time with my family as well as to do some research pertaining a project I'm planning on to do in the future.

On Thursday, mum asked me if I wana go visit grandma (her mother). This grandma of mine used to babysit me when I was very young. During the time when life was very hard for my parents & they had to work, leaving me alone for days with my grandma at her little house in Green Road.

This year, my grandma turned 88 yrs old. She had had a mild stroke few years back but amazingly she recovered so well from the incident. She has been pretty strong for her age although nowadays, she needs a cane to help her walk around.

I remember her as a really sweet & loving lady. I used to be her favorite grand-daughter. The ONLY grand-daughter infact... but when my youngest cousin (a girl) was bornt, I was all grown up & went away to study abroad, hence, became distance from dear grandma.

We had a language barrier as she speaks only Hakka & a little bit of Mandarin. I, on the other hand, knows some Mandarin & mainly Hokkien. Although we didn't know how to communicate that well, I still can feel the strong bond between us, especially her love for me when she holds my hands during my visits.

I love her special cooking of roast duck. She used to cook up a feast whenever she knew I'm coming to visit, especially during Chinese New Year. But that was many many years ago when she's still strong & able. Gosh... I do miss her cooking now.

Yesterday morning (Friday), dearest grandma got really sick & had to be rushed to the hospital. (Our Kuching's General Hospital. I wished they'd sent her to a Specialist Centre instead but during the chaos, my aunty & uncle didn't think it was a better choice) Everything was in a chaos but luckily grandma was able to get to the hospital in time. However, the doctor gave us a very sad news.
Grandma is currently suffering from lung failure & some complications on her heart. She couldn't breathe on her own & had to be on a ventilation machine. When I visited her few hours later, I was feeling so sorry for her. She looked so fragile & helpless with big hoses attached to her mouth & needles here & there on both her arms.

At times, she'll wake up from her sleep & started to fight with the nurse, trying to pull the hoses from her mouth. I can see that she's not comfortable with the whole setup. I can't help but to feel proud of her fighting spirit. To my horror, the nurses had to tie both my grandma hands down to avoid injuring herself if she continues struggling with the tubes & hoses. At one point, a doctor (looks like a new one or maybe a trainee) struggled with a needle for 20mins on my grandma's arm. She was poking & poking my poor grandma for so long that I couldn't bear it but to walk away & kept telling myself to hold back from screaming at the doctor. I tried consoling myself by telling myself that she knows what she's doing to make my grandma feel better.

Today, all of grandma's children came to their senses that it may be a better choice to transfer her to a Specialist Centre for a better care. However, the doctor incharge told us there might be risks involved during the physical transfer & asked us to discuss with everyone in the family before making the final decision.

I decided to pay a visit to one of the doctor in a Specialist Centre across my house for advice. He's a good friend of my parents' & agreed to look into the matter for us. So, at this very moment, we're waiting for the doctor's call to tell us if grandma's situation is stable enough for the transfer. I pray grandma will not need to suffer so much as I really do love her dearly for being the ONLY grandma that has loved me unconditionally since I was bornt.

My Photo Online - About.Com

2006-10-11T21:07:00.000+08:00

Yeah... Found one of my work being used for an educational site, About.Com. Click the image below for a larger view.

Nasty Haze in Malaysia

2006-10-09T19:48:00.000+08:00

Cough Cough... Sniff Sniff... Thought I'd be able to recuperate from my illness once I return from Cambodia. BUT the haze didn't help much. Took this photo from my balcony this morning.

Wonderful Time at Mabul - Kapalai

2006-09-30T22:28:00.000+08:00

Had a wonderful, relaxing trip with Vivian to Mabul-Kapalai Islands. The trip was even better with the return of both Jimmy & Allan as DM at the resort. There was very few divers hence we had more than 1 DM guiding us in each dive.

"Crab-Eye" Goby

Soft-Coral Porcelain Crab

Juvenile Cuttlefish

Dragonet

Commensal Shrimp

There are more pics but will post them up in my website when I return from Cambodia.

Back from Miri - An Eventful Trip

2006-09-24T18:57:00.000+08:00

PHEW! Back in ONE PIECE after 3 1/2 long days in Miri, Sarawak. We were supposed to be on a diving trip to this part of Borneo Island during the weekend. However, we had more than a diving trip than what we planned from months ago.

Early Thursday morning, both darling & I arrived at LCC terminal for our AirAsia direct flight to Miri. Then, our first "disaster" happened. One of our friend arrived 10 mins late & we were not allowed to check-in our huge diving bags as AirAsia's luggage counter for our flight has been closed. We tried our best to negotiate & begged for help but to no avail. Our conclusion is... CHEAP AIRLINE, LOW LEVEL OF CUSTOMER SERVICE.

Thus, we have to do something as we've the whole weekend ahead of us planned only in Miri! Immediately I decided to try our luck with Malaysian Airlines. We managed to get a direct flight to Miri that very afternoon so after some calculation & much ponderings, we decided to go ahead with the trip.

We arrived at the little "city" late afternoon, too late for any diving, hence we decided to spend some time in the swimpool at the hotel. Late evening, we went to a nice seafood restaurant & ate wonderful dishes of all kinds. It was so cheap too & we were happy despite an awful beginning earlier that day.

The next day, we had to wake up early for 3 boat dives off Miri coast. Once again, God gave us a very TRYING day. The wind started to pick up from the very beginning of our 45 mins journey to our first dive site. First dive was fantastic with clear visibility & lots to see.

However, the day slowly started to go wrong. One of our friend fell terribly ill from all the rough rocking on the boat as we had to spend our surface interval on board in the middle of open sea! Underwater current was picking up too which made us pretty tired & underwater visibility poorer & poorer.

Last dive was a nightmare to me when darling Francis & 2 divers went missing from our dive group. We abandoned our dive & went searching for them with the boat. As sea was rough, it was hard for us to find their bubbles so I decided to get the boat captain to rave the boat engine in hope than darling will hear it & put out his surface buoy. Phew! And HE DID! I was nearly at the verge of loosing my mind, with bad old memories coming back to haunt me that very moment. I THANK GOD with my whole heart for keeping darling safe & sound. When he surfaced, I managed to keep myself calm without shouting at him or the rest of the divers. They were clearly unaware of how anxious we were on the boat while searching for them.

Upon reaching back to the marina, our seasick friend livened up within seconds on dry land. We returned back to the hotel, exhausted & looking forward for a nice long shower. Darling Francis took a nap from 6pm & didn't wake up till the next morning! I went for another pleasant dinner nearby our hotel with Ghee Seng & return to hotel, slumped into bed by midnite.

The next day, we decided to not dive seeing the wind was still blowing strong. We could see the rough sea from our room balcony. Instead, we decided to rent a car & go trekking to Niah Caves. We went to have a local brunch of Kolo Mee at a nearby stall before we start on our journey.

Once again, God decided to give us another eventful moment during our 1 1/2 hrs drive to the site. We had a puncture on one of the tyre. Darling Francis had to change the tyre & then we went looking for a tyre shop to repair the punctured one. We finally arrived the park entrance at 2pm. After paying the park fee, we took a short boat trip to cross a river, then went on foot for 3km to the cave.

As we were not prepared for such a journey, I didn't have a proper footwear for the walk. After nearly 2.5km, I started to have blisters on both my feet. Lucky I brought along our medi-kit & I managed to "plaster" both my feet so I can continue the journey.

It was breathtaking to enjoy the rainforest & wonderful smell of nature all around us. I had a great time taking pics during our walk. Upon arrival at the opening of the cave, I decided to surrender to my aching feet. We didn't walk the whole way into the cave, but the scenery at the cave opening was grand enough for us already.

After resting for half hour, we decided to head back. We stopped at a small hut with local Iban ladies selling souveniors of beads, hand-made textiles & soft drinks. We contributed some for these wonderful ladies & bought a drink each while I bought their wonderful bead bracelets.

The walk back was just as nice although I was beginning to wish I brought my mosquito repellent with me. Finally, we got into our car & reached back to the hotel without much unwanted incident.

We met up with Mike (another diver friend who's working in Brunei) & had another sumptuos seafood dinner. As the day was an adventurous one for us, we decided to head back to the hotel for an early night instead of accepting Mike's offer to bring us for some drinking at their local bars.

Finally this morning, we woke up early & left for the airport in time for check-in & breakfast. Once again, the cheap AirAsia airline failed us. Ouf flight was delayed for 50 mins, hence we had to hang around without having much to do, wishing we had more time in bed this morning.

Thankfully, our trip back to Kuala Lumpur was a pleasant one, with slight turbulence due to bad weather.

Despite with all these events, we decided to return again to Miri next year during their best time for diving (around April to June) & hope to dive at more of their wonderful dive sites. We were happy with the outcome of this trip as we managed to have a memorable trip although not as planned. At least we've been to Niah Cave, one of the great wonders of Malaysia!

Now, I'm looking forward for more wonderful time in Mabul starting tomorrow. I pray God will protect myself & Vivian during the 5-days trip.

Moved to Blogger Beta

2006-09-14T21:16:00.000+08:00

Ah! Finally I can post again after several failed attempts to log in after I moved my blog to the new Blogger Beta site. I realised it's not compatible with the IE 7 that I'm currently using. In the end, I decided to download Firefox and try my luck. Walah! The pages turned out so fast and efficient!

Hmmm... I'm beginning to like this Firefox browser. It's very much more stable compared to the new IE 7. Initially, I took the risk to use IE 7 because I like the new features available such as the option to have extra tabs in one window & to add my favorite RSS feed in a list for easy browsing. Let's see if Firefox offers the RSS feed list feature or not. Will give it a week before I decide on which browser to use as default.

Now back to this Blogger Beta... I'm not sure if I did a mistake by moving my blog so soon to the new site. Cos I just realised there are features that I can't do yet now I'm in the beta version. I can't comment on non-beta blog, hence, to my dear friends who have blogs on the old site:

"MOVE TO BLOGGER BETA SOON!" else I can't post my comments, lar!

Best Squid Shot

2006-09-08T14:32:00.000+08:00

Sorry... had to disable this image since I sold the rights of this photo.

Taken from Redang Island during a night dive recently.

Alex & Grace - A Wedding to Remember

2006-09-05T12:25:00.000+08:00

The loveliest couple I've ever met... All the best to both of you!

Mr & Mrs Lam

In a Beca

All White, Like A Fairytale Scene

Darling

Peter Anticipating Good Food

Mei Yong & Stevie

Ivy & Ronnie

Happy Couple

They're currently on their honeymoon. You can read about their adventure and many beautiful photos on their wedding website.

Steve Irwin's Death

2006-09-04T15:01:00.000+08:00

This news is currently on FRONT PAGE on CNN.Com today. I can't help but feeling upset about this whole issue. Still awaiting for more details about his death in relation to a stingray barb that pierced through his chest.

How much more stupid & foolish can this be? I'd understand if it's a great-white shark attack while diving in an ocean fully infested by these giants with fish blood spilling all around the diver.

BUT A STINGRAY!?!?!?

"Ironically, though the stingray has an effective defense system, it doesn’t retaliate on humans unless it is pinned down or its life is threatened. Even if its wings are partially stepped on, the stingray will generally flutter away without striking. This fluttering sensation is sometimes felt underfoot by wadefishermen and most often passed off as a flounder encounter, when likely it was a stingray. If you doubt this based on the fact that you weren’t barbed, ask yourself how many flounders are actually seen while wadefishing? Compare this number to stingray sightings, and thank God you weren’t barbed." read more from Jerry Labella

I'm always a strong believer that marine lives only cause injuries if we provoke or disturb them. Although the new has not mentioned about how Steve got himself into such deathly situation, I can't help but to assume that he's been provoking a major large stingray at close range. Well... I've seen a few of his shows on TV & I've never liked them. Especially when his style was always over-dramatic and unreal. Always provoking the wildlife he's documenting on the show. Even other similar wildlife activists such as Jeff Corwin doesn't show such unnecessary drama & provoking in his show! Hmmm... all I see is just a stupid, selfish act of trying to increase show ratings.

Anyway... God Bless his soul. But no thanx to bad publicity of the underwater realms. Now, I've to face unnecessary fear from people towards NOT ONLY SHARKS BUT STINGRAYS TOO! I wrote this blog not only to vent my anger thoughts BUT MAINLY to educate my readers that STINGRAYS don't attack and kill you unless they're provoked.

Now, I hope this won't lead to more stingray killings too!

Check out this link (eMedicineHealth) to read more on how you can get injuries from stingrays. If possible, I don't want to hear comments such as "I'm afraid to see stingrays cos they can kill me!" cos I've heard enough of "I don't want to scuba dive cos I don't want to be shark's feed". Bah!!!

Honorable Mention - EKZO Magazine, Russia

2006-08-24T18:22:00.000+08:00

Yeah... my first honorable mention for my photos contribution to an international magazine. EKZO Magazine is an International Magazine on Wildlife & Exotic Lifestyle based in Russia. I was first approached by the Editor for my underwater photos last year & since then, I've been a constant contributor of my underwater photos to the magazine.

It felt good for such acknowledgement. Check out this link where they listed all their contributing photographers. I wish I can read Russian & know wat's been written...

Alex & Chol Phon - A Wedding of 2 Countries

2006-08-17T13:38:00.000+08:00

FINALLY!!!

The BIG DAY came for my dearest Alex & Chol Phon after 5 long years of courtship. They met during a 'mamak' session back when Chol Phon was still studying at Sunway College. They were introduced by a common friend & after a few weeks later, Alex finally gathered his courage to ask Chol Phon out. Hehehe... Alex is a big guy but everyone who knows him will say that he's got a soft heart. He's truly a Gentle Giant.

Alex is from Malaysia while Chol Phon is from a little country called Kyrgystan. Hence, the tagline I used for this blog. Chol Phon's family flew all the way to Malaysia specially for this wonderful occassion.

Their wedding reception was held at Le Meridian Hotel, Kuala Lumpur on 29th July 2006. I was very amazed at how beautiful the decoration & lighting in the ballroom. The whole surrounding was very subtle & soothing with red, green & pink hues. Just perfect for a wedding dinner.

The Ballroom

The date was chosen in conjunction with Chol Phon's birthday. Our dearest Alex gave her a lovely surprise by singing a song to her while on stage. Everyone of their close friends cheered Alex on during this performance. It was rather fun & yet heartwarming moment for all of us.

Beautiful Bride

This is the first time I used my new camera on such events, so there wasn't many nice photos due to the absence of an external flash. I was also pretty shy to act like a paparazzi on their wedding celebration, especially when there were other professional photographers around doing their job. But I hope these pics will serve both Alex & Chol Phon good virtues on this memorable day.

Romantic Moment

I pray that this bond of love will be forever strong & fruitful. Both Alex & Chol Phon have been there during my ups & downs. Thank you so much for such an invaluable friendship!

Bali July 2006 - Underwater Photos

2006-08-14T18:16:00.000+08:00

Some underwater pics I took when we went diving at the famous Liberty Wreck in Tulamben. After so long without the camera while in Layang-Layang, I realised my pics were not as great as before so this means I need to start practising again!

Gold-spec Jawfish

Gorgonian Fan & Blue Water

Grubfish with Fish in Mouth

Yellow Leaf Fish

Peacock Mantis Shrimp

Scorpionfish

Shrimp Goby & Shrimp

Undulate Moray

More pics will be uploaded into my website once I've the free time. Meanwhile, Happy & Safe Diving!

I Got Tagged! - Giving 5s

2006-08-11T15:57:00.000+08:00

This will be my first time being tagged... by JT who's currently way over there in the U.S. Well... here goes!

things in my FREEZER

Cornetto Double Flavored Ice-Cream (Strawberry & Vanilla)
Sausages
Burger Patties
Ice-cubes
Chopped Chicken

in my CLOSET

A maroon-red long-dress I bought a year ago. Have yet to wear it cos "waiting" for my tummy to get smaller.
The only pair of jeans I currently can fit into.
A metal basket I bought from IKEA to keep my many smaller tops from getting all mixed up with my other larger pieces.
Towels
An orange hanging-polyester shelf (also from IKEA) to keep my undies, etc. which I never like to fold.

things in my CAR

My yellow teddy bear
Parking receipts
Hands-free for my handphone
A rosary
An umbrella

things in my PURSE/BAG

A photo of darling
A photo of myself
Bank-in transaction slips
A crystal ornament of a Wu-Lou (I think...) that my parents bought for me from China
Lip-gloss

Phew... all done!

Bali July 2006 - Lesehan Meal

2006-08-03T12:26:00.000+08:00

During our road trip down south to our next holiday stay, we stopped by for lunch at a local store. We had Lesehan style dishes in a very localised unique way. Ironically, the suggestion to try this place came from a Mat Salleh who's a staff at Tauch Terminal Resort. Thanx Robert!!!

The store is an open-air hut with 'tables' or platforms. We had to sit on these platforms. Yes... we've to take off our shoes before climbing up that platform.

Darling among the platforms

Then came the food. Oooohhh... they looked so simple yet WE LOVE IT! Fish satay... and plain soup local-style. Ate with rice and some green vegetables. Yummy! Ohhh... they've got local sambal too! They tasted some sort Chinese yet different. But very tasty indeed!

Simple BUT Tasty!

Darling Enjoying the Food

Food All Gone!

AND we were happy to add that the lunch was clean and 'safe' cos we DIDN'T have any unpleasant feeling later on!

A Frightening Week

2006-07-31T13:37:00.000+08:00

It has been a terrible week. Darling Francis gave me a big fright of his life recently when he experienced heart palpitation after a sudden jolt up some stairs while in the office. He nonchalantly told us (Peter & myself) over dinner on Tuesday evening that he's experiencing irregular heartbeat. Immediately my mind went to work, asking him questions & coaxing him to go to the hospital for a check-up that very moment. Luckily darling complied to my pleas so we went together to Subang Jaya Medical Center that very evening after dinner.

We meant to have the irregular heartbeat to be recorded for a later visit to his regular doctor for diagnosis. He's had this problem a few times way back many years ago (before we dated) but had failed to get it recorded because the symptom lasted only a short time.

While in the emergency ward, we were very surprised when told that darling has to be admitted into the Coronary Care Unit for monitoring overnight. Then it hit me pretty hard that this is going to be worse than we thought.

After moving him to the CCU, dearest Peter sent me home in darling's car. It was one of the worse night I had to go through alone at home. At this point, we have no knowledge of what's happening to darling. Surprisingly darling was feeling quite normal that night despite the symptom.

Darling's heartbeat went back to normal in the next morning at about 8am or so.

He had to go through two types of physical tests namely 'echo test' for the heart and a 'stress test' on a treadmill.

After all that, the doctor decided to give him a home-leave & darling has to return back to the hospital the next day for a final check. He had to go for an angio-scan so the doctor can determine that he's got no blockages in his bloodstream. Then she'll be able to prebscribe a medication for him safely.

Doctor finally explained to us that darling Francis was experiencing a Lone Atrial Fibrillation (LAF) which is not associated with structural heart disease what-so-ever. It's considered non-life threatening, however, he's required to take a medication called Sotalol & a kind of aspirin drug to maintain his regular heartbeat & also to avoid blood clots from forming if a long LAF occurs.

Well... I'm not very convinced with the drugs prescribed to him. Maybe because I'm not the sort that likes the idea of being dependant on drugs for a lifetime. Also, after reading some information on Sotalol, I was kinda upset that we were not given a proper briefing about the drug by the doctor. I asked whether this drug will have a side-effect on darling & the doctor told us there will be none. You can imagine how horrified I was when I read about the truth on the net!

Darling will return to the hospital for a follow-up & we're ready to shower the doctor with many questions about his condition & the drugs presribed to him. I pray that darling Francis can return to a healthier self again soon.

Bali July 2006 - Road Trip

2006-07-24T17:17:00.000+08:00

During our road trip from Tulamben to our private villa stay in Gianyar, we passed by a few scenic places along the way. There were many padi fields, corn fields and lushful jungles in Bali. We managed to catch a glimpse of an old volcanoe too!

Rich jungle by the foot of an old volcanoe. (I can't remember its name)

A valley of padi field.

Terraces of padi field up the mountain

Beautiful young green padi plants

"Kampung" houses

Washing vehicles by a river. Now you don't see this often in Malaysia anymore!

Fire Extinguisher for Fuel Stations. So weird!

We stopped for a lunch break at a local stall for their local food called Lesehan. Will blog about this soon...

What Kind Of A Leader Is This?

2006-07-19T18:35:00.000+08:00

I was surfing the net for info on the latest tsunami that hit Java, Indonesia on Monday recently. And I came across an article on CNN.Com which made me really furious...

"... The International Tsunami Information Center issued a tsunami watch after the 7.7-magnitude earthquake rumbled in the Indian Ocean 350 kilometers (220 miles) south of Jakarta.
But for many of the survivors, the only warning they got was the earthquake itself, and some are questioning why a warning system is not yet in place.

Indonesia received the bulletins 45 minutes before the tsunami hit, Science and Technology Minister Kusmayanto Kadiman said in an AP report. But the government did not announce them because they did not want to cause unnecessary alarm, Kadiman said in the AP report.

"If it (the tsunami) did not occur, what would have happened?" he told reporters in Jakarta, noting that there was no effective way to spread a warning without a system of sirens or alarms in place." Read more...

Can't they use their police or military force to warn the people as soon as they got the warning?

What happened to the clause "Better Be Safe Than Sorry"?

Somehow I feel that the death of those people killed by the tsunami was caused by this unresponsible leader.

Currently, it's estimated a death toll of 500 after the tsunami. He should've known better to make a wiser decision than this one! No doubt a chaos may occur IF the warning was announced but at least the death toll won't be this high! Being a MINISTER who has so many supports from experts and professionals, how can he make such statement as "did not want to cause unnecessary alarm" and how can he even wonder "if the tsunami did not occur, what would have happened?".

I guess there will always be excuses by the leader when something really bad fell upon the people.

I'm speechless now... Let Us Pray...